Tags
advocacy, anger, baptismal covenant, blame, broken, evil, God, God's word, guilt, immigration, judgment, justice, race, shame, values
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This weekend I was at the pool with our children. We had the pool to ourselves for a while until a group of kids joined us toward the end of our time. A few minutes after their arrival, the lifeguard called break, in keeping with the regularly scheduled breaks. The new kids were justifiably disappointed, but what happened next was not justifiable. About five minutes into the break, one of the teenagers starts ranting loudly about why a lifeguard should need a break – claiming his job was not all that hard. She then asked the lifeguard directly how much longer the break would be. The lifeguard did not seem to totally understand her question (our lifeguards are usually international students here for the summer), and she spoke to him as if he were a child. I found my anger rising. Her taunting behavior continued after the break, and another teenager joined her in disrespecting the lifeguard with audible side comments, and ignoring his instructions about safety. The lifeguard finally blew the whistle, saying the pool was closed, and everyone would have to leave.
Fortunately, we were on our way out already, as the teenagers’ behavior had angered me so much that I was no longer having fun. The lifeguard apologized profusely on our way out, and I reassured him that I totally supported his decision, given how disrespectful the other guests were being. As we walked home, my children asked me why I was so mad. I explained part of my anger – that we never disrespect others the way those teens did, and their behavior made me mad. But what I didn’t share was I suspected the teens’ behavior was also related to the lifeguard’s ethnicity. With tensions around race and immigration these days, I suspected the teen felt she was superior in some way to this man, and I wondered why.
But mostly, I was mad at myself. As the night wore on, I felt nauseated about the fact I had said nothing to that teenager. Though my body language probably reflected disdain for her behavior, I said nothing to defend the lifeguard. The more I thought about it, the more I wished I had approached the teen and talked to her about her inappropriate behavior. In reflection, I could not figure out why I said nothing to her; I just knew I was ashamed by my inaction – so ashamed, I have felt it for days.
As a country and community, I have heard many conversations about how our government is broken and the other side (whomever we view as the other side) is leading us into evil. This weekend I began to wonder if, instead, we are the ones who are broken. We have lost the very values we claim in our baptismal covenant – to respect the dignity of every human being, to strive for justice, and to seek and serve Christ in all persons. I wholeheartedly support advocacy work and protest movements when we see injustice. But this week, I humbly ask you to join me in the work on ourselves – to shift from being people outraged by injustice and to start doing justice; to shift from being hearers of God’s Word, to being doers of God’s Word; to turn our criticism of others to a constructive criticism of ourselves. Next time you hear me complaining about the degradation of our morals or values, please ask me what I am doing about it. I promise to do the same for you in return. Let’s get started!
Seeking and Serving 
Amen. Thanks Jennifer.
Thanks, Wilson! Let’s get to work!
Our inaction is a human tendency – the bystander effect! A lot of my work on campus goes to courage intervention, because it takes courage to say something in situations like these.
I wholeheartedly agree – I have tried after the events of this past weekend to reflect on the personal steps I need to take to make a difference, rather than posting/liking/sharing with the echo chamber of like minds on social media.
Another great post – thank you!
Thanks for your thoughtful feedback. I am so grateful for the work you are doing to help students develop courage to act. And I am glad to have you on the journey toward action with me!
I am never sure if any action is appropriate under circumstances such as this. I may not like what the kids did, but unless the lifeguard’s safety was at risk, I’m not sure saying anything is any of my business. Boundaries matter. It’s a great question, however, namely when is a response or action appropriate, even necessary, when are they most inappropriate.
I have just happily discovered your blog and have read and enjoyed this piece on the “Need for Mirrors.” While I identify with your dilemma as to whether or not to have said anything to the entitled kids, I am not sure the answer is always to confront such behavior head on. First of all, I am not sure I can judge when something is my business. And, even if outraged by someone’s comments and actions, it may be a boundary violation to intervene or interfere (surely not always!), and it is likely (certain?) to be met with defensiveness or hostility. But it is most certainly an interesting question you pose.
You probably did the right thing. Intervention rarely works in these situations, and you would likely have had to deal with even more badly behaved parents.