Category Archives: reflection

On Movies, Community, and God…

05 Wednesday Aug 2026

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Photo credit: https://www.yourcentralvalley.com/digital-enterprise/central-valley-theaters-to-celebrate-national-popcorn-day/

This past weekend our family went to see a movie together.  That may sound like a common thing to do, but I cannot remember the last time all four of us not only all wanted to see the same movie, but also knew seeing the movie in the theater would be of particular value.  The experience was everything we had hoped it would be:  an exciting, engaging story, the sound and visuals so vivid that you felt the movie tangibly, and a storyline that left you with much to talk about afterwards on the ride home.

In addition to being everything we had hoped it would be as a family and as individuals, what the experience also provided was something I had not expected:  the experience of a shared movie in a theater that is quite full.  I have heard people wax about how watching a movie with a community is a different experience than watching a movie on a streaming service at home.  And while the argument makes sense intellectually, experiencing the difference in person was something different.  In part, I think the difference come from what changed for us during the pandemic:  how, in general, we came to see mass gatherings in enclosed spaces as unsafe.  Other factors come into play:  the cost of a movie that can be prohibitively expensive, the easy access of thousands of viewing options on our computers and TVs at home, the convenience of watching a film on your own couch, in pjs, with the ability to pause for any kind of personal needs. 

But none of that compares to the shared experience that can happen in community – even a community of strangers.  It started with the previews, as I audibly heard people grumble in disapproval for an upcoming movie (Too scary!  Too gory!  Too boring!), but continued as the feature film began.  The smell of buttery popcorn filling the air, and the quiet background noise of popcorn munching.  The collective jumps in seats all around you as something suddenly scared or surprised you.  The groans or hands covering eyes as something gross appeared.  Or the collective whispers of ascent or even outright cheers or laughs when something universally good happened. 

Sometimes that is what I love about Church so much.  I love the shared smiles when a familiar hymn starts playing.  I love the nods of ascents or the quiet that falls when a preacher says something particularly poignant.  I love the giddiness of children at Eucharist that can shake up even the most serious adult kneeling next to them.  And I love the sharing of those experiences as we depart as people say, “I really needed that today,” or “That one part really spoke to me today.”  Like a movie, Church can be both a collective experience (providing the comfort of shared community), and an experience that is individually experienced alongside others (we may not make the same meaning of things, but we were in the experience together).  You may or may not be motivated to go to the movies soon, but I hope you will consider making your way to the shared experience of Church.  I imagine there will be delightful surprises and shared common experiences that will awaken something in your spiritual walk with God this week!

On Loving Self and Loving Neighbor…

29 Wednesday Jul 2026

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Photo credit: https://www.christianitytoday.com/2018/10/just-kids-love-neighbor-as-yourself-mayfield/

Several weeks ago, I had a health event due to the extreme heat.  It was the first time I had experienced such a thing, and it threw me for a loop.  Since I had gotten to the point of crisis, I realized that maybe I didn’t know how to read my body as well as I thought I did.  Or maybe my body is just changing and I now need to read it differently.  Regardless, in the weeks since the event I have found myself looking inward a lot – analyzing miniscule details, observing new patterns, trying new practices, and being much more responsive to the weather forecast.

During my inner focus, our area experienced an air quality warning amidst high heat levels due to fires in Cananda.  The haze outside was thick and we were encouraged to stay inside as much as possible.  I was talking to my young daughter about the haze and the warning, still thinking about my recovering health, when she quite plainly asked, “But what about the homeless people in town, Mom?  How are they supposed to stay inside if they don’t have anywhere to go?”

Her simple question was like pulling the emergency break in my body.  Though prioritizing your health is important (helpers cannot help if they aren’t taking care of themselves first), I realized I had swung to an extreme such that I could only see myself and had paused my thinking about others.  It’s only human, and is certainly reflective of a unique short-term season, but it was eye-opening about how quickly we can forget the maximum of Jesus, “Love God.  Love Neighbor.”  If my relatively healthy body had been so impacted by the external environment, how at risk are my neighbors who are fighting not just the elements, but also a lack of basic needs like food, water, shelter, and clothing? 

I wonder what’s going on in your life that might have shifted your focus away from care of neighbor?  This is not an invitation into guilt.  This is an invitation into shifting energy – away from any wallowing you may be doing (about your body, your dissatisfaction with life, your frustration with the world) and toward something good – some change you can make for good.  Whether the invitation comes from a child, a random comment from a stranger, or the Holy Spirit:  how are you being invited to love your neighbor more fully today?

On GPS and Jesus…

08 Wednesday Jul 2026

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Photo credit: https://www.supermomshuffle.com/how-to-be-productive-in-the-car-every-day/

The other day I was coming home from a meeting and trying to get home quickly.  My GPS told me to go a way that I knew had ongoing construction delays, and so I defied the GPS and went another way that I knew would bypass the traffic.  Halfway through the bypass, GPS suggested another route, but I stubbornly refused, and kept going my own way.  And then I hit a wall of traffic.  I sat still for about twenty minutes with no real possibility for turning around legally before I was able to return to normal speed (and home 20-30 minutes later!).  Once I finally cleared the backup, I begrudgingly thought, “I always trust my GPS to get me out of binds on the road.  What made me think today that I knew better?!?” 

How many times have I had the exact same experience with God?  I hear a whispering of the Spirit to go another way, and immediately think, “No, that’s a waste of time.  I’ll do it my way.”  I get a nudge from God to take action, and I resist, responding, “I’ve seen how that turns out in the past.  I’ll stay the course.”  Or I hear Jesus speak clearly about a call, and my response is, “No way!  Not today, Jesus.”  In all of those instances, despite my lifelong relationship with God, and despite evidence to the contrary, I think I know better.  I try to keep hold of the reins, instead of listening to the wisdom of God.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  God, or Jesus, or even the Holy Spirit, isn’t like a GPS.  There’s no clear voice telling me what to do, and there’s no follow-up instruction about how to recalculate the route in life.  And while that certainly may be true, equally true is the fact that both tools test our notion of control.  Both invite us to trust they have our best interest in mind.  I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve been rerouted by GPS off a major highway with massive delays onto a rural road in the middle of nowhere – praying that GPS knows what it’s doing and will return me to my route. 

Our relationship with God takes some of that blind trust too.  It feels similarly scary at times – almost like falling of a cliff, trusting a safe landing.  But unlike GPS, we only need to look at our scriptural Salvation Narrative, to look at a character like Jonah, or Ruth, or even Peter, to know that God faithfully guides us in the way to go.  Sometimes we jokingly say, “Jesus, take the wheel!”  I wonder where you’ve been refusing to give Jesus the wheel these days, and what fruit you might experience if you relented. 

On Getting It Right…

10 Wednesday Jun 2026

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Photo credit: https://iblp.org/what-power-spoken-blessing/

This coming Sunday our church is honoring a young parishioner who has just turned 13 – not because we want to celebrate a birthday, but because we want to honor the very real life-changes that are happening in the parishioner’s life at this significant developmental stage.  Last week, our Diocese hosted its inaugural Pride Service, where histories were retold, truths were honored, and where one queer attendee marveled, “I’ve never been to a worship service like this – especially not with my priest.”  And over the last six weeks, ten parishioners in our Discovery Class have been learning about the Episcopal Church, sharing their faith journeys, and asking hard questions about their faith and spiritual practices. 

What has struck me about all these experiences from church lately is how grateful I am that the Church is not at all afraid of the very real, honest, and vulnerable experience of being a human – and how the Church willingly steps along side us to help us make meaning.  What I have loved about these experiences is the absence of the word “should,” or any sense of judgment.  Instead, there is an abundance of wonder, curiosity, understanding, and care.  There has never been a feeling like something was taboo or inappropriate for question.  Sometimes just the naming of the thing – the transition, the hurt, the journey, or the longing – has been incredibly liberating and affirming.

So many times, the Church has gotten it wrong – has been an agent of judgment, exclusion, and hurt.  I have talked with many people who left the Church for a time (or permanently) because of such experiences.  Knowing that truth, I have been feeling especially grateful for a church who tries to be better – who acknowledges her faults and failings, and actively seeks to live in truth and love. 

I know many of you have stepped away from Church or have been hurt enough times by the Church that you are no longer interested in finding community there.  Know that you are loved and missed.  Also know that wherever you are on your spiritual journey, there are communities of faith who are working to be better – to be more loving, to be more affirming, to be more Christ-like.   For all of us, I lift up Thomas Merton’s prayer:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end.  Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.  I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.  And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.  Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.  I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.  Amen.[i]

[i] Thomas Merton, “A Prayer of Unknowing,” Thoughts in Solitude (New York:  Farrar, Straus & Cudahy, 1958), 79.

On God, Grace, and Letting Go…

03 Wednesday Jun 2026

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Photo credit: https://www.learningrx.com/harrisonburg/test-taking-tips-for-students-who-struggle/

As we approach the end of the school year in our district, I had a surprising realization.  Our kids are old enough now that we expect them to keep up with assignments, tests, and projects.  We keep an eye on grades each quarter, but the expectation to work hard and do your best is already established.  And each of our children had tough years this year:  one in a grade notorious for being academically rigorous, the other making a transition from elementary to middle school.  But even in the expectation of challenging years, we also put a lot of trust in our children to make it work.

So, imagine my surprise, as we talked about this being the last week of school, when I realized how much tension I had been holding in my chest for our children to get to this point – to successfully complete the school year.  I had convinced myself that I had put the onus on them to be responsible for their own experiences and successes.  And yet, as I’ve been releasing a 9-month held breath of tension, I realized perhaps I’ve been holding on more than I was willing to admit. 

I talk a lot about free will when I offer pastoral care.  Theologically, I do not believe that God directs good or bad things our way necessarily.  So, when questions arise like, “Why would God let this happen?” or “Why do bad things happen to good people?” my answer is not some explanation about a punishing God, or about predestination, or even about works righteousness.  Instead, we talk about the tremendous gift (and curse) of free will. 

But what I had perhaps not realized until this week is my understanding of God’s relationship to free will.  Honestly, I had sort of thought of God as cut off from the decision to give us free will – sort of “you made your bed now lie in it” mentality.  But as I observed my own physical reaction to the relief of the end of a school year (where I had supposedly totally trusted my kids’ free will), I wonder if God mourns along with us when the exercise of our free will leads to negative consequences instead of positive ones.  I wonder if God is sometimes holding God’s breath until we make our way through the ups and downs of life.  I’m not arguing I would ever want God to take away our free will.  But somehow imagining God’s heart as God’s children figure it out has given me a lot more appreciation for the cost of our free will – and perhaps a lot more grace for my children as I watch their journey through the ups and downs of life too.

On Spiritual Check-Ins…

27 Wednesday May 2026

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Photo credit: https://www.sjs.edu/blog/understanding-our-worship-liturgy-of-the-eucharist

What we say in our church’s Discovery Class is that if you want to know Episcopalians believe, you need to pay attention to our liturgies.  In our worship, you see the centrality of scripture to our sense of identity (both in the scripture we read and the way scripture is woven into the language of our liturgies), in our profession of the baptismal covenant, in the confession of and forgiveness of our sins, in the gathering at the table for the sustenance we need to go out into the world as Jesus’ disciples and agents of God’s love.  Our liturgies are rich with meaning, purpose, and identity. 

And yet, because we are a liturgical church, sometimes our liturgies can become rote, and we stop paying attention to the meaning behind the familiar words we declare.  That’s why this Sunday our church will be holding what we call an “Instructed Eucharist.”  The worship will follow the normal patterns, but there will be two key differences.  First, a narrator will join us to offer commentary sporadically to help us understand what we are doing every week and what those actions mean.  Second, our bulletins will be annotated – basically like an expert wrote notes in the margins to help us not only understand what different components mean in the liturgy, but also some pondering questions to help grow our faith.  We have offered these instructed eucharists a few times at our church, and we find every time that all of us (even the clergy!) deepen and renew our faith through the experience.

Given that offering, I have two invitations for you.  One, I invite you to watch – either in person or over on our YouTube channel (the service will archive so even if you can’t join in at 10:00 AM EST, you can still join in).  You won’t regret it, I promise!  Two, I invite you to take a moment for that spiritual check-in.  How is your faith life going these days?  Have elements of your practices – your prayer life, your attendance in worship, your connection to community – become stale or rote?  We all have seasons of rich spiritual lives and arid, wandering places in our spiritual journey.  No matter what season you are in, know that you are welcome here.  This Sunday we hope to offer some tools to help you on your way!

On Redefining Community…

06 Wednesday May 2026

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Photo credit: https://www.army.mil/article/164948/trash_or_treasure_yard_sale_source_of_savings_income_for_soldiers_families

This past weekend, our church held a yard sale.  I was so impressed by our leaders and volunteers, and was excited to see steady traffic at the sale.  I know our parishioners were happy to extend the life of their once beloved items, and shoppers were happy to find items that may become useful to them or their families.  All in all, it was a great event!

As I watched the constant stream of shoppers, I was struck by a contradiction.  You see, the town I live in is relatively small.  Most people share one or two degrees of separation.  Either you know most people, you know someone in common, you’ve casually crossed paths, or you’ve heard of them.  But the vast majority of our shoppers this weekend were unknown to me.  They were a diverse group of people, representing diverse stages of life.  Some brought children and grandchildren, some came with a loved one, and some shopped solo.  Some seemed curious about what they might find, while others seemed like yard sale veterans who knew how to discern value.  But as someone who believes themselves to be fairly connected in the community, I was surprised by how many strangers I met that day.

The experience got me wondering:  how can someone (like a pastor) who is constantly meeting new people in a small-ish town still have a sizeable set of people they do not know?  How often do we assume success (if, say, our goal is to get to know our community well and share Christ’s love widely) when in fact our success is superficial at best?  Has our definition of “wider community” been narrowed to “strangers who are similar to me”? 

I wonder if our invitation is not to sit in the comfort of thinking we know our community, and instead to stretch how we engage our community.  Maybe we need to shop occasionally in places we do not normally shop.  Maybe we need drive in parts of town we do not normally drive.  Maybe we need exchange our normal polite nods for actual words of conversation and connection.  I do not know what the first step is for you, but I look forward to hearing what you choose and where you are having encounters with God in the process.

On Parenting, Milestones, and Community…

29 Wednesday Apr 2026

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Photo credit: https://flo.health/being-a-mom/your-baby/growth-and-development/early-walking-babies

When my kids were younger, we delighted in their milestones:  regaining their birthweight, learning to crawl and then walk, eating solid foods, the first real smile, and finally speaking words.  There was a joy in each of those moments, but also a sense that things were okay – that your child was developing in the ways that they were supposed to, and were therefore healthy. 

These days, the milestones are different:  first love interest, first heartbreak, getting a driver’s license, first paycheck, being awarded honors.  I suppose those milestones are markers of healthiness too, and the delight comes just as strongly.  But somehow, these later year milestones are tinged with a hint of coming change.  Before too long our children will launch out into the world and the milestones will be their own to enjoy – celebrated independently of the protective sphere we hosted for so many years.

As I become wistful these days, I think of how God has viewed us over the years.  In Jeremiah 29.11-14, God addresses those who have been exiled from Jerusalem and sent to Babylon.  “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.  Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”

As I recall the ways God’s people have journeyed with God over the years, I suppose the milestones never cease – God is constantly seeking relationship and health for us, in all parts of our lives:  in the young formative years, in the youth of our adulthood, and in those middle and late years; in the darkness and what feels like times of failure; in the joys and in the successes.  God is present in all of it.

I wonder if the work we do that we label as “parenting through milestones,” is work that is not limited to biological children and parents.  Much like God journeys with us, God gifts us with people in our lives – friends, family, neighbors, church members, colleagues, and even strangers – who we can shepherd through milestones too.  Though our culture would have us believe we are independent lone rangers responsible for our own success and happiness, Christians community teaches us that we are much more interconnected and gifted the opportunity to journey with others through all those milestones of life.  I wonder who God is inviting you come close to:  to celebrate, to encourage, to console, and to delight.  We are in this work of life together. 

On Seasons of Discernment…

22 Wednesday Apr 2026

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In my role as pastor and parent, I have recently walked people through all kinds of discernment:  about denominational affiliation or specific church membership, ranking college options, deciding on coursework for the next school year, discerning the right candidate for a job or the right job for a candidate, hunting for a home, pondering the journey of fertility, developing strategic initiatives, exploring new models of ministry, and even casting a vote in a special election.  Discernment across these varying life situations has some commonalities.  People feel a sense of anxiety about making the right choice, they experience the tension of the in-between or the liminal time between one reality and another, they feel the thrill of possibility and the hope of something unexperienced, and they feel a fear of the unknown and the inevitability of change.  There is almost a weightlessness or that tightness of the chest when one unconsciously holds their breath.  An end of discernment is definitive, but the results and the consequences are not always known.

When one is in discernment, there are lots of best practices:  mapping out the pros and cons to methodically sort out the decision, reading about the experience of others, conducting research with people who can testify to their experience or at least be a sounding board, and for those who are religious, lots and lots of prayer.  Part of the reason I am privy to these seasons of discernment for so many people is that I join the process as a companion.  In some instances, I suspect that those who are discerning come with a hope that I will just tell them what to do.  But ultimately, we both know that this kind of discernment really has to lie at the feet of the one deciding – and in my case with a lot of prayer for divine wisdom and inspiration.

Perhaps the hardest part of discernment is figuring out when you’re done.  In some instances, there is a deadline – a day the application is due, a cutoff for registration, or election day.  Discernment with a deadline is gift.  Though it can feel like more pressure, there is a concrete ending.  Open-ended discernment means self-imposing some guidelines about when you have listened enough, read enough, prayed enough, and worried enough.  There is often too much room for self-doubt and second-guessing.  But even in those instances, decisions still must be made.

I wonder where you are on your own discernment journey.  You may be thinking, “Oh, no big decisions for me.  I just keep living each day.”  But the truth is, we are constantly moving in and out of discernment throughout life.  Opportunities percolate up, invitations arise, diagnoses appear, and the Holy Spirit always seems to be whispering in our ears about what’s next:  a new ministry invitation, a person you can help, a book or a play that can shake up your worldview, or some other thing to keep you on your toes.  Knowing the reality of constant discernment, our invitation is to create habits that buttress our discernment.  That may mean tending relationships that are healthy homes for grace-filled discernment, developing practices for logically sorting through decision points, and, most importantly, nurturing a healthy relationship with the Holy Spirit so that when God is whispering in your ear, you’ve tuned yourself to the right channel to eliminate static.  My prayers are with you as you build your discernment toolbox.  And I can’t wait to hear what the Holy Spirit is doing! 

On the Blessing and Curse of Church…

15 Wednesday Apr 2026

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I was listening to a podcast recently where a couple of singer-songwriters were being interviewed.  When talking about the creative process of bringing together artists to create music, one musician described the experience as, “something really communal and almost like church, but for people that want to come together in a way that feels inclusive and safe for all.”[i] 

I understood what the artist was saying, completely.  The church for so many people has been a place of hurt – whether due to an experience around someone’s sexual orientation or gender expression, whether due to a divorce (either personally or watching the church handle the divorce of one’s parents), whether with the way hard conversations were had – with a sense of rigidity and judgment or with an openness to wonder and question.  I know the church has been a place of hurt because so many people have talked to me as a priest about their own resistance to Church because of that hurt.

But despite all my understanding and knowledge about how many times the Church has been the source of curse instead of blessing, the throw-away comparison of the music community this artist had experienced to the experience of Church hit like a gut punch.  Her qualification of Church not being a place that feels safe and inclusive for all hurt my soul so much that I literally felt the wind being knocked out of me. 

Perhaps the comment hurt so much because whereas this singer-songwriter found the Church lacking and found what Church is supposed to be somewhere else, I have spent a lifetime trying to find churches that strive to actually be what Church is supposed to be like – and certainly as a priest, I have tried to shape communities into being that kind of community.  I love being in a place that despite being pretty diverse politically and theologically, can happily celebrate the renewal of vows by a lesbian couple who has found a sense of home and purpose there; where former members of other denominations find a sense of welcome and acceptance that their former church withheld; a church who seeks out the liturgical leadership of young people, whether transgendered, neurodivergent, or just young, because they are some of our best leaders; where retired members show up at the sporting events, dance recitals, or theater performances of younger members; where parishioners with protest pins on their lapels kneel next to parishioners with bumper stickers of opposing viewpoints. 

I never want to minimize the hurt or victimization that people have experienced by the hand of the Church.  And even if I personally did not commit a heinous act of hatred, judgment, or exclusion, I know part of my work is atoning for the sin of the Church universal.  My prayer this week is that those who have only experienced exclusion and a lack of safety in churches might find their way to churches who strive to live another way – to live the love of Jesus fully and authentically.  And it is my prayer that for those of us striving to live in that other way that we remain humble about whether we have actually achieved that safety and inclusivity and keep remembering not the way of church politics, but the way of Jesus. 

[i] Maren Morris, “Brandi Carlile:  Good Hang with Amy Poehler,” March 31, 2026, as found at https://podcasts.musixmatch.com/podcast/good-hang-with-amy-poehler-01jktbqakmf0anjvx2tz394fjv/episode/brandi-carlile-01kn1tcfzgdg73vb0jhswns3xs on April 15, 2026