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On Invitations to Compassion…

30 Wednesday Jan 2019

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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barriers, compassion, empathy, God, invitation, journey, margins, sacred, share, suffering, sympathy, walk

compassion_1200x627

Photo credit:  https://www.ted.com/topics/compassion

This past week I have been pondering the notion of compassion.  The notion first struck me as I visited one of our parishioners at the hospital several times.  Each time I have visited, someone else had already visited or was on their way to visit.  Having been to many a hospital room, I know this is not the norm.  Often, people in the hospital are there without much support.  To see the community rally around this parishioner – both fellow parishioners and personal friends – was such a potent witness to the power of compassion.

Midweek, our own parish began to wonder how we might show compassion to our neighbors in need who were struggling due to government shutdown furloughs.  As we shared ideas as a community, and as we checked on our own parishioners, we discovered that several of our parishioners were already acting on behalf of our neighbors in need.  In fact, several parishioners were quietly gathering funds to support our local Coast Guard members.  I was so proud to learn about the quiet, unassuming compassion of our church.

Finally, my daughter and I paid a visit to a Children’s hospital for some routine checkups.  As we were waiting in three different waiting rooms, we watching families pass us by with children who were much sicker, or who had challenges that I will never face with my children.  I found myself humbled by journeys I could not imagine, and wondering how I might move from sympathy to compassion.

My ponderings reminded me of something Father Gregory Boyle articulated in his book Tattoos on the Heart.  Father Gregory teaches a class in the local prisons, and in one of the classes they talked about the difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion.  As the inmates discussed the topic, they agreed that sympathy is the expression of sadness for something someone is experiencing.  They defined empathy as going a step further and sharing how your own similar experience makes your sympathy more personal.  But compassion was a bit harder to define.  Father Gregory argues, “Compassion isn’t just about feeling the pain of others; it’s about bringing them in toward yourself.  If we love what God loves, then, in compassion, margins get erased. ‘Be compassionate as God is compassionate,’ means the dismantling of barriers that exclude.”[i]

I wonder how God is inviting you this week to step beyond sympathy and empathy, and step into compassion. That kind of work is not easy, and will likely mean getting a bit messy.  But I suspect that same kind of work takes us from looking at the world around us and saying, “That’s too bad,” or “I’m so sorry,” to “Let me walk with you.”  That is the sacred spot where we experience God between us.  I look forward to hearing about your experiences of accepting God’s invitation to compassion this week.

[i] Father Gregory Boyle, Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion (New York:  Free Press, 2010), 75.

With the Eyes of Compassion…

25 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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Tags

children of God, compassion, girls, God, hurt, love, mean, see, sympathy, tough

Heart in the stone fence

Photo credit:  https://jackieleasommers.com/tag/what-does-compassion-to-an-OCD-sufferer-look-like/

As a mother of two girls, I have regularly followed articles and advice columns about “mean girls.”  I avoided meanness like the plague as a child – not necessarily because I was more moral than other kids.  In fact, my avoidance of meanness was more about self-preservation.  I figured if I was never mean to others, then I reduced the risk of someone being mean to me.

Having stayed under the radar, I realize there is a world of “mean girls” that I totally missed.  And I have been surprised at how early some of those tendencies arise in my daughter and her classmates.  There is constant chatter about who is or is no longer one’s best friend.  I am constantly hearing about hurt feelings, someone being mean, or, through inference, hearing when my own daughter seems to be the victim or perpetrator of meanness.  Though I realize we are not even close to the tween and teen years, I see the hints of what is to come.

But last week, I was the chaperone for my daughter’s field trip.  I wondered whether I would see any of that behavior in real time (not just through the stories relayed at bedtime or at the dinner table).  My observations did not lead to any conclusions about my daughter’s experiences.  But what I did see were a bunch of kids who were thrilled to have some attention and affection.  I did not really do much.  I deployed my typical distraction technique of asking lots of questions of the kids.  And before I knew it, I never had an empty hand.  Kids I had never met before wanted to hold my hand and be near me.

As we rode the bus back, my heart was full of sympathy for all the kids.  Though I know they all hurt each other with insults and teasing, at the heart of matter, they are all children of God, who like all of us, long for love.  What made me so grateful about the trip was these kids who sometimes say and do mean things are also kids trying to navigate social systems, kids trying to be tough, and kids who need love.  And if all that is true about kids, how much more so about all of us adults?  This week, I invite you to see those around you with the eyes of compassion – the same eyes with which God sees you.

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