Category Archives: reflection

On Being Love and Light…

29 Wednesday Nov 2023

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Photo credit: https://www.thekitchn.com/amazon-pipishell-shopping-cart-review-23250404

This week, I was out shopping for household basics and managed to get in a fairly short line.  But before I could load my items onto the conveyer belt, I noticed the customer checking out was having some sort of issue.  Eventually I surmised it was an issue with a credit card.  The staff and customer realized she was using a card the store doesn’t accept.  The customer rifled around for another card, but for some reason, during her flustered search, she became emotional.  I would not have noticed except the checkout clerk and the bagger immediately jumped into caretaking.  I heard them soothing her, assuring her everything was okay.  I then overheard the bagger explaining how his day had been pretty crummy too, with a broken-down car and a phone that fell into a rain puddle.  The mood lightened – for the three of them, certainly, but even for those of us further back in line who may have been tempted to become impatient or frustrated. 

I confess, I was in awe of the interaction.  Here were three very different people – of different genders, races, and socioeconomic statuses – and yet, in that moment, they showed anyone willing to see how to be a decent human.  That may sound simple, but with shoppers bustling around with the frenzy of the holiday season upon us, and the emotions that are often lingering right under the surface this time of year, it was a powerful reminder about our priorities this season.

I do not know about the religious affiliation of anyone in that triad, but in Church speak, those two staff members were showing the love of Christ to that woman – they were showing what our baptismal covenant calls “respecting the dignity of every human being.”  One of our core purposes at Church is to equip followers of Christ to go out into the world, sharing the love of Christ in their own particular vocation.  As Advent approaches this Sunday, I am reminded that the world needs that love now more than ever.  We certainly do that intentionally at Hickory Neck, with services like our Blue Christmas service that acknowledges how our vulnerable emotions can be bubbling right under the surface this time of year, or with our Invitation Sunday coming up that honors how much longing there is in the world for meaningful community.  But more importantly, I hope our church is empowering our parishioners to be agents of love everyday, who can, at the drop of a dime, see need right in front of them, and show compassion, mercy, and grace.  I look forward to hearing from you where you see invitations this week to show Christ’s love and light!

On Looking Back to Look Forward…

20 Friday Oct 2023

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Font at Virginia Theological Seminary

I remember when I was a seminarian, sitting in daily worship, my eyes and mind would sometimes wander.  In particular, I was fascinated by the names or other small mementos carved into the old pews.  I always wondered who the mystery person was who left their mark, how long ago they carved it, and how they managed not to get caught.  What I loved about those small little marks was how they made me feel connected – connected to a long line of priests and lay leaders shaped by the seminary, all with varying gifts and talents, serving God in God’s church around the world.

Last week, my seminary honored 200 years of forming priests in the Episcopal Church.  Though those pews from the old chapel were lost in a fire, what struck me was the massive changes the seminary has seen.  From slaves who helped build and then worked on the property, wars that shaped the context for ministry dramatically for generations, fiduciary decisions that impacted the viability and structure of the seminary, the growing diversity of the student body as the Episcopal Church’s understanding of who can be called to ministry has expanded, and an evolving physical plant that has shifted what the school on the holy hill looks like – all of that change has made for a rich and layered history, of which I am a small part. 

But perhaps what speaks to me most about Virginia Theological Seminary is the ways that it also has a microcosmic impact on the church – namely, the ministry of every graduate from the seminary.  My time at VTS shaped and formed me into the priest I am today – from academic formation to liturgical formation, from learnings on leadership to the development of relationships, from shaping my spirituality to shaping my sense of the wider church.  And for every graduate like me, VTS has shaped thousands of others who go out into the world to preach the gospel.  That reality is what inspires my financial support every year – knowing the future generations I can support.

As my church journeys into stewardship season, a time of discernment about how we will support our church financially and with our time, I am reminded of how we all come to think about the stewardship of our resources.  Supporting my seminary and my church financially are ways I say to those institutions and my community that these institutions are important to me:  they have made an impact in my life, and have inspired me to make an impact on the them.  I would not be the priest, mother, or wife that I am without either my seminary or Hickory Neck Church.  What about you?  How has our church shaped your life?  What stories are the stories that make you eager to be a part of financially supporting ministries of impact?  I can’t wait to hear what inspires your giving!

On Celebrating Life, Death, and Movies…

04 Wednesday Oct 2023

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Photo credit: https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/28/tech/netflix-dvd-rental-movies-ending/index.html

Well, it finally happened.  Netflix’s DVD business closed last Friday.  Now I recognize that acknowledging I still received DVDs from Netflix may make me seem old-fashioned.  Even a contemporary exclaimed recently, “Do people even have the equipment to play DVDs anymore?!?”  I took a good ribbing, but the truth is I love movies, and Netflix’s DVD business allowed me to watch movies that were not available via streaming services.  I was constantly finding new gems, and still had over 100 movies in my queue that I hoped to watch some day.

For those of us old-timers still watching DVDs, the closing of Netflix’s DVD branch has been tinged with nostalgia and a tiny bit of grief.  Over the course of 18 years, I watched 667 films, each story sparking my imagination, eliciting pleasure, sorrow, excitement, indignation, laughter, and hope.  Obviously there will be other ways for me to revel in the artistry of filmmaking, but there is a certain finality to the closing of this chapter. 

Despite my wistfulness, I commend Netflix for the way they have handled this change.  Instead of wallowing in grief, or attempting to apologize for market changes beyond their control, instead, they have handled this “death” with grace and joy.  Knowing the closing was coming, this year they used their iconic mailing envelopes to feature celebratory artwork honoring how a whole generation has been shaped by their service.  On the week of their closure, the sent a “gift” to every member – a summary of the highlights of our membership – what movies we had watched each year, milestones in our membership, and even the list of movies in our queue in case we want to find another way to see them.  Instead of a death, it has felt like a celebration of life.

In a lot of ways, it has reminded me of the ways the Episcopal Church approaches death.  When someone we love passes, we use the burial office to celebrate life – certainly the life of the one who has died, but especially the promise of eternal life promised in Jesus Christ.  But I’ve been thinking about it over this last week, and the Church honors “mini-deaths” all the time:  the ending of a ministry that is no longer needed or effectively utilized, the retirement of a ministry leader after a successful tenure, or the blessing of a parishioner or staff member who moves away from the community.  All those transitions can be hard because they make us remember fondly the ways ministry blessed us in the past.  But those transitions are also often the source of new life:  a new ministry we could never have imagined five years ago, a new leader whose fresh ideas opens up new opportunities, and new members who shape and mold us into a new community.

I wonder what things feel like they are dying in your life right now – what things you thought would always be there are undergoing change.  Where might the Holy Spirit be inviting you to see new shoots of growth in the midst of something withering on the vine?  How might those “mini-deaths,” be tremendous gifts to you or your community?  How might we take a cue from Netflix, and find ways to celebrate those endings with dignity and joy?  I am grateful for the ways a secular business is helping me see the sacred in our own life cycles.  Let’s celebrate together!

On Loss and Light…

20 Wednesday Sep 2023

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Photo credit: https://pixy.org/361878/

There’s an old adage, at least among clergy, that deaths often come in threes.  As clergy, we are accustomed to walking a community through the death of a loved one.  In death, time sort of stands still, as being present with the grieving, and preparing for funerals takes precedence over all other work that was formerly deemed urgent.  If a second death happens, clergy get a little skittish because of that old adage about threes.  So, death can not only upend a week or two, it can last for weeks on end. 

But recently, I have begun to wonder if subscribing to that adage about threes clouds our vision about what else is happening.  I have had the experience of sitting with someone in the hospital who was approaching death, only to hear over the hospital PA system the tinkling sound that marks the birth of a new baby.  I have had the experience of within twenty-four hours receiving four texts:  one about the death of a friend’s mom, followed by one about a clean bill of health after cancer treatment; another one about a death in the parish, followed by one about the birth of a grandchild.  When we only see deaths in threes, we seem to lose sight of the incidents of life all around us. 

I do not mean to minimize the experience of death – each one is unique and needs time to go through the full cycle of grief.  But I have been wondering if in those darkest moments – whether in death, divorce, or the loss of a job – there isn’t lightness breaking in too.  That tinkling sound announcing a birth did not negate the end of life walk of my parishioner.  But as we made eye contact, that tinkling did help us remember all the moments of life that parishioner had experienced before those last days. 

I do not know what you are going through today:  what losses you may be grieving or what deaths are hanging over you like a cloud.  But as a people of resurrection, I suspect there is life surrounding you too – maybe as quietly as a tinkling, or maybe as loud as a toddler who has found her words.  My prayer for you today is that whatever pain you are experiencing in death today, you might be gifted with eyes to see the blessing of God’s light and life.   

On Finding God in the Busyness…

06 Wednesday Sep 2023

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Photo credit: https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/overcoming-business-our-cultural-addiction

One of the questions I received before heading off on sabbatical was whether my sabbatical was too full.  I chuckled at the question because on paper, my sabbatical did have a great deal of movement and activity.  But I also knew that as an extrovert who was longing to reconnect after a pandemic that forced a period of disconnection, I would be just fine.  What I was more surprised about was my own parish’s response to their sabbatical.  When I have asked them “How was your sabbatical?” many people have responded, “It was busy!” or “That was one of the busiest summers we’ve had!”  Upon further inquiry, to a person, the follow-up comment was how although the summer of sabbatical was busy, it was full of meaningful, powerful, enriching things – none of which they would have missed or wanted to omit from the schedule. 

I often talk about the temptations of busyness – how busyness can keep us from noticing God, or how busyness can make us feel like we’re accomplishing something even if that accomplishment is purposeless movement or busyness for busyness’ sake.  But I never really thought about how busyness filled with the work of God or with encounters with God in community can be tremendously life giving.  In essence, the difference seems to be how we define sabbath or sabbatical.  For many of us, sabbath or sabbatical should mean rest or a slowing down of all things so that we can take in God’s creation and blessing.  And for many, both physical rest and spiritual rest are necessary.  But for anyone who has wasted a day away binge-watching a series, we know that not all “rest” is created equal.  That’s why we talk so much about sabbatical or sabbath being about renewal – about the feeding of our souls.  That renewal might be found in the busyness of yoga classes, labyrinth walks, meditation classes, or movie and game nights.  Renewal might be about surrounding yourself with laughter, storytelling, and dancing.  And renewal might also be about sitting on a bench in solitude, listening to the sounds of God’s creation.

As the school year gets underway, church gets back into its program year, and busyness starts to bubble up in our lives, I hope what we take from our time of sabbatical into our post-sabbatical time is a pattern of making our busyness holy.  Where are you finding God on the football field, gymnastics mat, or the horse stables?  Where are finding God in the lunch meetings, PTA events, or church calendar?  Where are you finding God in phone call to a grieving friend, the meal made for someone recovering from surgery, or the backpack purchased for a neighbor?  Our busyness does not have to be inherently pulling us away from God.  Our invitation is to look for and celebrate God in the midst of the busyness. 

On an Amazing Day with Purpose…

30 Wednesday Aug 2023

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Hotel Gym View from Treadmill

On my sabbatical adventures, I stayed in a lot of hotels.  When you stay in that many hotels you get used to some rhythms:  finding the ice machine, sussing out the free breakfast, making your way to the gym.  I rarely encountered others at the gym, but when I did, the normal etiquette was usually a nod or a smile, but not really any small talk.  Everyone has their own headphones for music or video, and focuses on their workout in a parallel, but non-communal kind of way.

So, you can imagine my surprise at one hotel when someone broke out of the norm.  I was finishing up my workout and cleaning up my space.  As I grabbed my key to go, the only other woman in the gym turned to me and said, “Have an amazing day with purpose!”  She didn’t say a simple, “Bye!” or even “Have a good day!”  No, she said, “Have an amazing day with purpose!”  I have genuinely never had anyone say that phrase to me, let alone someone in the typically anti-social hotel gym. 

As I left the gym and made my way back to my room, my head was spinning.  Maybe today could be amazing, and not just “good.”  What might God have in store for the day?  But more importantly, what was my purpose that day?  If I was being invited to live the day with intentionality, and not just wait to see what happened to me, what would living that particular (supposedly amazing) day with purpose look like?

As a pastor who has visited the dying and buried the dead, I know all too well that every day is a gift.  I usually start most of my prayers thanking God for the gift of that day.  But I am not sure I usually go a step forward and ask what God wants me to do with that day – what the purpose is for the gift of the day God has given me. 

I do not know what you are facing today, or how you might be struggling today.  But God has gifted you another day today.  And that day has every potential to be amazing, especially depending on what lenses you put on to describe the day.  Your invitation, then, is to have an amazing day with purpose.  I cannot wait to hear how that sense of purpose drives you to do something amazing today!

On the Senses and God…

23 Wednesday Aug 2023

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Morning sun at Rehoboth Beach (photo credit: Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly; reuse with permission)

One of the gifts of sabbatical this summer was a heightening of the senses.  Some days it was the sense of taste – the rich freshness of local produce ripening in season, from blueberries bursting in skins to watermelon full of sweet refreshment to corn crunching with salty goodness.  Other days it was the sense of hearing – from the roar of the ocean to the gritty sound of bike wheels on a wooden boardwalk to the tinkling songs of an ice cream truck.  Other days it was sense of touch – from the coolness of a rock in the shade on a hot summer day to the feel of a sore muscle after a strenuous climb to the warmth of the sun on your skin as the day slowly heats.  Other days it was the sense of smell – from the smell of coals roasting food for a cookout to the clean smell of suds as you scrub a car before the day gets too warm to the earthy smell of trees on a shaded long hike.  And other days it was the sense of sight – from the magnificence of a slowly setting sun from the top of a mountain to watching an eagle swoop down into a river to grab a fish for dinner to seeing a friend whose familiar facial features you had missed after a long separation.

I suppose those stimuli to the senses are available all the time, unique to the season of the year, waiting to be tasted, heard, touched, smelled, or seen.  But something about the busyness of life dulls the senses.  We smell someone’s perfume or cologne in passing, but immediately refocus the brain on whatever task is at hand.  We taste an amazing wine or meal, but it is a fleeting joy before putting the kids to bed.  We feel the blast of summer heat leaving our air-conditioned homes but feel more annoyed than fascinated by the stark differences in seasons.  We hear a burst of someone’s laughter, but do not have time to slow down for a conversation that might gift us with similar laughter.  We glimpse a field of wildflowers on the way to an appointment, but our minds immediately return to the checklist we were mentally making.  The senses are all there, but we simply do not have the time to walk around in a constant state of awe or reverence for God’s creation. 

As I am easing my way out of sabbatical time, figuring out what to hold onto, I was thinking that part of the challenge of non-sabbatical time is five senses are a lot to focus on at one time – especially when my brain is busy shutting down the sensory experience so that I can achieve another task.  Instead, I have taken to committing each day to celebrating one kind of sensory experience.  Maybe today I will pay attention to my sense of smell – what smells might bring me joy.  Tomorrow, I may pay attention to my sense of taste – what yummy flavor can make me pause in delight.  Somehow knowing that I only need to focus on one sensory pleasure allows me moments of sabbatical even in non-sabbatical time.

I wonder what reconnecting with your senses this week might do to help you connect with God.  Perhaps the work isn’t to charge through the day with the assignment to pay attention to your senses.  Perhaps the work is holding some inner space in your being for God to fill – so that when you see that beautiful sunrise, or when you smell that fragrant flower, or when you hear that delightful song, you allow God space, even in the busyness of everyday life.  Making that inner space is one way we create daily sabbatical time with God – where God can speak to us, even in life’s busyness.

On Not Really Being Alone…

16 Wednesday Aug 2023

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Beehive Trail Iron Rungs, Acadia National Park (Photo credit: Elaine Ho; reuse with permission)

Last week, I finished up my sabbatical on a trip with college friends to Acadia National Park.  Having been friends for over 26 years, and having traveled together, domestically and abroad, we know each other well – each other’s habits, weaknesses, and strengths.  We know who is most likely to get up early for exercise, who you don’t talk to before they’ve had coffee, and who is a total chicken when it comes to anything adventure related.  That last one would be me.  But since we all know how tentative I am, we all know they will push me to try new adventures anyway, and I will say yes – even if I grumble, curse, and sometimes pray my way through the adventures.

This year’s adventure was hiking the Beehive Loop Trail – a trail with a steep mountain cliff, boulders, exposed ledges, and iron rungs.  We’ve done hikes before, and I’m relatively fit, but this was definitely a difficulty I have never tried and would certainly not have tried of my own volition.  But this is what we do, and so off I went.  I knew the trail was no joke when the first part of the “trail” was actually just a path of small boulders to navigate over.  As we made our way up, I could see the views were going to be amazing.  But I stopped when I got to the first real set of iron rungs.  After a few deep breaths, some encouraging words whispered in my ear, I grabbed the first rung.  As I scanned for where to place my feet, I could see worn footholds from thousands of hikers before me.  As we walked along ledges, the skinny tree trunks I used as handholds were smooth from those same thousands of hikers who had grabbed them before me.  When the hikers in front of us were moving slowly and we just had to stand on narrow ledges waiting for our turn, I hugged the rock cliff beside us. 

Nature’s handrails, Beehive Trail, Acadia National Park (Photo credit: Elizabeth Shows Caffey; reuse with permission)

During that hike, I slowly realized the reason I say yes to these challenging women is not because I’m avoiding conflict or caving to peer pressure.  I say yes because I am never alone in my yes.  Whether it is my amazing friend who refuses to bound ahead because she knows that if I slip or start to panic, she will catch me and encourage me ever so gently.  Whether it is the guidance of travelers before me who have left their wisdom behind.  Whether it is in God’s creation herself who stands strong when we need her.  So, as I mutter the reminder, “I love these women…” like it’s both a curse and a blessing, I am reminding myself I am not alone.  When I sigh in profound gratitude, “Thank you, tree,” I am reminding myself that God has not left me comfortless.  When I watch out-of-shape elders, and seemingly too young youngsters, being cheered on and reaching the top, I am reminded that none of us is alone. 

I wonder what challenges you are facing today that feel like a challenge you are facing alone.  I could have faced that mountain ledge or those crazy iron rungs and thought, “I am utterly alone in this.  Only I can take each step, ascend each level.  This is my battle to face.”  But just as I was never alone – and not just with my three other friends, but with countless generations of hikers, and centuries old formations of God’s creation, we are not alone in the challenges we face either.  How many times have we cried out to God for help, only to find a friend or stranger unexpectedly accompanying us?  Sometimes that worn foothold is hard to notice in the face of panic.  Sometimes the smoothness of that tree trunk is barely noticeable because we are gripping so hard or trying to move forward so quickly.  But God is with us, giving us companions for the journey.  We are not alone.

On Enjoying the Walk…

14 Friday Jul 2023

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He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  (Isaiah 40.29-31, ESV)

Photo credit: https://www.henryford.com/blog/2023/05/10-ways-walk-better-health

I was reading today about a running method many marathon users use to help them sustain their pacing.  It’s called the “run/walk method.”  To sustain pacing for the marathon, a runner could choose to run for five minutes and walk for one throughout the race.  The challenge for the runner is to use this method throughout, especially at the beginning, when adrenaline is running high and it may feel like capitalizing on energy is a good idea.  Instead, keeping the run/walk pattern allows for the stamina for many runners to complete the race.[i] 

I’ve been thinking that my sabbatical has been utilizing the run/walk method by accident.  The twelves weeks had included multiple trips, punctuated by periods of 4-5 days at home between trips.  This week, one of those trips was cancelled due to weather complications, so my “walking” time at home has been more like 9-10 days.  Initially I was irritated by this disruption in my rhythm.  But as I lived this week a little differently, and as observations about the week have percolated up from family members, I have realized the gift of this rhythm disruption.

In the midst of this rhythm disruption, I have been able to more leisurely take naps and rest – something I would have limited if I knew I was approaching another “running” cycle.  I have also been able to be more thoughtful about time with family – whether an impromptu lunch with a kid at home, going to a community show with a kid instead of encouraging my spouse to do so, and just having some fun together time.  I’ve also been able to create quiet time in town – finding a place to tuck away in my local library.  It has not been the week I planned, but in many ways, it has been a week of blessings – certainly blessings I wouldn’t have enjoyed were I not on sabbatical in the first place.

I wonder what rhythm disruptions God has been gifting you lately.  Have you noticed them?  Have you been able to see them as invitations instead of annoyances?  I suspect the Holy Spirit does a lot more disrupting that we regularly notice.  Our invitation today is to settle down into a walk to see where the Spirit will guide us.

[i] As relayed by Curtis Zackery, in his book Finding Soul Rest:  40 Days of Connecting with Christ (Bellingham, WA:  Kirkdale Press, 2020), 52-53.

Sabbatical Journey…On Spacious Skies

07 Friday Jul 2023

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Oh beautiful, for spacious skies

For amber waves of grain

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain

Grand Teton National Park (reuse with permission only)

Our last couple of days on our cross-country journey are mostly comprised of driving – seeing more states and the scenery of this country.  On days like today, when I literally see amber waves of grain, and I have already seen purple mountain majesties, I am once again reminded of part of why we did this trip:  to see the beauty of God’s creation in its many forms.  Today we drove on a road lined with trees – something we have not done in weeks.  Some days the vistas were all in hues of reds, oranges, and browns.  Other days were vivid greens.  On other days we could see nothing but blue skies.

In the Book of Common Prayer there is a collect for joy in God’s creation.  It says, “O heavenly Father, who hast filled the world with beauty:  Open our eyes to behold thy gracious hand in all thy works; that, rejoicing in thy whole creation, we may learn to serve thee with gladness; for the sake of him through whom all things were made, thy Son Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.”[i]  This trip has been one that has certainly opened my eyes to see God at work in God’s creation.  It has been a feast for the eyes, and no matter how many pictures I snap, I will never capture the true beauty of this gift God has given us.

Today, I invite you to take a look at God’s creation around you.  Certainly, traveling thousands of miles around the country will inspire you, but so can pausing at a flower bed, gazing at an old, wizened tree, or taking in some clouds or stars.  Watching a world of beauty whirl around you – something entirely not man-made – may give you the gift of perspective, humility, and joy.  God has great plans for you, and gifts you beauty everyday!

[i] Book of Common Prayer, 814.