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On beauty…

20 Wednesday May 2015

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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beauty, bold, glory, God, light, shine, volunteer

Photo credit: http://stock-clip.com/video-footage/tulip%20loop

Photo credit: http://stock-clip.com/video-footage/tulip%20loop

I was visiting a neighboring parish recently and was admiring their beautiful landscaping.  A dogwood was blooming in delicate pink.  There were pockets of flowers in red and purple.  As I was surveying the beauty, I noticed one, brilliantly yellow tulip standing on its own near the dogwood.  It was surrounded by mulch and little else.  And yet my eyes were drawn to the single flower more strongly than the rest of the carefully planned landscaping.  When I mentioned the little flower to someone on campus, they said that sometimes flowers “volunteer” like that.  They self-pollinate and just show up where they like.

The image was a striking one:  something so out of place, and yet so beautiful.  By “volunteering” and just standing boldly where it was, this tulip was a reminder of how beauty cannot always be managed.  Sometimes beauty is beautiful because it was not managed.

Thinking back on that tulip, I found myself wondering whether I was willing to be so bold – whether I was comfortable volunteering to be wherever God planted me.  Jesus talks to the disciples in Matthew about being a light for the world.  He says in Matthew 5.16, “…let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”  Jesus’ words sound simple, but I think we do not really feel comfortable living out his instructions.  We might consider letting our light shine…as long as we are surrounded by others doing the same.  We don’t mind being a brilliantly yellow tulip…as long as we can be beautiful with others.  But ask us to go at it alone – to let our light shine by ourselves so that others might see our individual good works and give glory to God – well, that is another story.  What if I am not bright or beautiful enough?  What if my works aren’t good enough and people judge me instead of giving glory to God?

The trick is remembering that little tulip.  I saw lots of flowers that day that looked beautiful.  But it was the one solo flower that made me stop, that made me linger nearby.  That tulip had power simply by being willing to be where it was, and to be there in its fullness.  Our invitation is to do likewise.  My guess is that even if we cannot see our own beauty or our own light, others will – and they will give glory to God.

On prayer and listening…

01 Friday May 2015

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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authenticity, Baltimore, God, humility, listen, oppression, prayer, privilege, race

As Christians, there are many things we say out of habit.  We say, “God bless you,” when someone sneezes, even if we do not actually mean to invoke a blessing on the person.  We say, “Peace be with you,” in church without necessarily thinking about what offering the peace really means for our relationship with the other person.  And we regularly say, “I’ll keep you in my prayers,” even if we do not really keep a practice of diligent prayers.

And yet, as I have thought about the chaos that has erupted in Baltimore this past week, the only thing I can say with confidence is that I am holding Baltimore in my prayers.  Everything else I have tried to say has been muddled mess.  If I talk too long about my sorrow around the violence, I find that I too easily slip into blaming – a slippery slope at best.  If I try to talk about race, I find myself getting tangled up in the ways that race is invariably tied to socio-economic status and the inability I have as a white person to speak authority on the experience of my minority brothers and sisters.  No matter what philosophical argument I try to make, I find myself entangled in a very complicated system of oppression and favor.

And so although “I am holding Baltimore in prayer,” sounds like what a person of faith says as a throw-away statement, I really mean it.  I mean it because that is all I feel like I can do with authenticity and humility.  I mean it because it feels like something I can actively do when I feel powerless in so many ways.  And I mean it because what I know in the depths of my heart is that the situation in Baltimore is making me more upset about my own privilege and power than anything.  And I can only work that out through prayer.  God and I need to talk – and I need to listen.

Photo credit:  https://listeningprayer.wordpress.com/

Photo credit: https://listeningprayer.wordpress.com/

My hope is that prayer will open up a listening heart not just for God’s word, but also a listening heart to my brothers and sisters.  When prayer is at its best, it is an exercise in listening – and if anything, I am acutely aware of how much listening we need to do right now.  The listening this week started for me with this article.  After it brought me to my knees in prayer, I stumbled on this article about what Martin Luther King, Jr. once said about riots.  These pieces and many more have reminded me once again of my obligation as a person of privilege to shut my mouth, and open my eyes and ears.  Though a posture of prayer does not excuse us from action, as Desmond Tutu once said, we cannot accomplish much without it.

For the beauty of the earth…

23 Thursday Apr 2015

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blessed, blooms, creation, earth, God, grateful, spring, stewards, winter

This winter on Long Island was particularly rough.  We went months without seeing the grass – months!  I have friends on Facebook who live all over the country and I remember seeing their pictures of kids playing in the grass in March, and I was so jealous.  That experience of hunkering down through all the snow and ice accumulation left most of us here on Long Island feeling weary and listless.

But this past week, I feel like I have been brought back to life.  Daffodils are in full bloom, the forsythia finally emerged, tulip trees are opening, and not only is there grass, there is also that bright green grass that only comes out in spring.  I feel like I can finally breathe.  There is a lightness that comes with spring, and that lightness is even more potent after a long, arduous winter.

Photo credit: http://ideastations.org/watch/virginia-home-grown/tips-richard-prune-spring-blooming-plants

Photo credit: http://ideastations.org/watch/virginia-home-grown/tips-richard-prune-spring-blooming-plants

This morning at Eucharist we prayed, “For seasonable weather, and for an abundance of the fruits of the earth…For the good earth which God has given us, and for the wisdom and will to conserve it, let us pray to the Lord.”  Having just had Earth Day yesterday, watching our church’s community garden slowly sprout its early crop, and seeing spring unfold has given me a new appreciation of the gift of God’s creation.  Snow can be beautiful in its own right, but after a long winter, I am especially amazed at the bountiful and beautiful gift of God’s earth that one sees in spring.  And I am honored that God has invited us to be stewards of that earth.  As God’s earth is bursting forth with life, I find myself bubbling with new life and joy.  But mostly I feel grateful: grateful for this beautiful earth, our island home; grateful for a God who entrusts that earth to us; and grateful for how each new color and bloom reminds me of the beauty and grace surrounding me every day.  Thank you Mother Earth.  Thank you spring blooms.  Thank you God, for forming this beautiful earth out of a formless void.  We are blessed beyond measure and we promise to be the good stewards You would have us be!

On love…

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

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care, God, honor, love, relationship, self, share, vastness

Photo credit: http://thoughtcatalog.com/david-cain/2012/12/what-love-is-not/

Photo credit: http://thoughtcatalog.com/david-cain/2012/12/what-love-is-not/

This week I have been thinking a lot about love.  It started when I discovered a short film called, “Blind Devotion” by the Jubilee Project.  The film opens with a playful, young couple who seem lovingly devoted to one another.  Unexpectedly, the wife starts to lose her vision and her frustration over the situation begins to pull apart the couple.  She refuses help from her husband and insists on finding a way to maintain her independence.  The husband concedes, but finds that he can’t help himself from helping her in ways that she never notices.  He quickly pushes a tomato toward her while she gropes along the countertop for it.  He follows her to work to ensure that no cars sneak up on her in crosswalks.  He sits a few seats away on her bus just to make sure she gets to work safely.  And then he tiptoes away once he realizes she is comfortably situated at work.  He says that he doesn’t ever want his wife to know how much he does for her because that is how he shows her he loves her – because to him, love is more than just a feeling, it is an action.  And for him, love is not about having the recognition for what he does, but just having the privilege of doing the work.  That kind of selflessness in a relationship reminded me of the love that God showed us through the life and death of Jesus.

Later I stumbled across this blog post.  In it, the author writes what she imagines God would say to working moms.  Basically the letter notes all the ways, big and small, that the mom is constantly trying to care for her family while tending to her work.  The letter is full of affirmation, especially for the small successes, and in the face of what often feel like failures.  As a mom who works outside of the home, I especially appreciated the sentiment.  But I imagine God feels that way about all of us, no matter what familial setting we find ourselves in.  I know that my single brothers and sisters as well as my friends who have partners but no children find similar ways of loving others – and God notices.  God notices because that is the kind of love God hopes that we will show – the same love that God extends to us.

Both the film and the fictional letter got me thinking about two things.  First, I found myself thinking about the myriad ways that people love me and I probably never notice.  Some are more obvious, but I don’t actively acknowledge them:  a short note of encouragement, a phone call, an art project by my child, or help around the house by my husband.  But some of the ways I will probably never know:  the people who pray for me on a regular basis, the people who fill in gaps that I had not even considered, the people who love my child when I am not around.  As I considered the vast possibilities, I was aware of how that vastness pales in comparison to the vastness of God’s love for me.  I am humbled beyond words for the ways in which love envelopes me on every side.

The second thing I realized this week is that I could stand to honor the ways in which I show love.  Too often I beat myself up for the ways I have not said, “I love you,” enough or I have not written that note I wanted to write or made that call I planned to make.  But I began to wonder if instead, I might close each day thinking about the ways I showed love today:  tending to the life of the church and the beautiful parishioners I am privileged to pastor; tending to the daily life of my family, even if my temper gets the best of me sometimes (five year olds can be tough!); and tending to the body that God blessed me with, making sure I treat it like the temple that God made it to be.  Perhaps if I could capture an appreciation for the ways that I love and the ways that I am loved, I could let go a sense of unworthiness and grab hold of the deep love that God has for me – and then share it.

Sermon – Mark 16.1-8, EV, YB, April 4, 2015

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

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church, Easter Vigil, God, history, Jesus Christ, love, Princess Bride, salvation, Sermon, story

Tonight we celebrate one of the most ancient, and in many traditions, the most important liturgies of the Church.  This is the festival of the resurrection of our Lord – despite what you may have learned about Easter Sunday.  Tonight is the night that we liturgically mark that shift from Lent and the Passion to our Lord and Savior’s Resurrection.  The church gives us this incredible gift tonight, and our job is to hearken back to an innocent sense of awe as we realize what God does through Jesus Christ.

Luckily the Church helps us hearken back to that innocent sense of awe through the structure of the liturgy.  I like to think the Church’s work in the Easter Vigil as being like that Grandfather in the movie The Princess Bride, who visits his sick grandson to read him a fantastic story.  In that movie, the grandson is skeptical – that in fact his grandfather might be planning to read him a boring or sappy story.  But the grandfather insists that this story is one of the greatest stories ever told – a story that his father read him, that he read to his son, and now, he would read to him.

The Church is like that grandfather to us tonight, who gathers up the grandchildren around him, and says, “Let me tell you a story.  This story is greater than any other story you have ever heard.  This story is full of intrigue and surprise, full of the primal elements, full of drama and passion, and full of twists and turns you do not expect.  Do you want to hear the story?”  And before the grandfather can even begin, the grandchildren are waiting with baited breath.

“Once upon a time, before there was time, or people, or even land or sky, the earth as we know the earth was a formless void – filled with watery chaos.  God created the world as we know the world, and proclaimed that creation, ‘good.’  Sometime later, that world fell into sin and God used water to cleanse the whole earth through flood.  To the one person God saved, God promised to never do such destruction again and made a covenant of protection.  Much later, the people of God were fleeing a horrible fate – an awful leader who had enslaved the people.  This time, God once again manipulated the water – both to save God’s people and to destroy those who wished to destroy God’s people.  On the other side of the sea, on dry land, the people rejoiced.  Later, the people fell away from God and although God was grieved, God spoke to the prophet Ezekiel.  God told Ezekiel to reassemble the dry bones of God’s people, and to breathe new life into them.  And the people lived again.  Much later, when the people had become dispersed and disheartened, God proclaimed new hope.  God proclaimed that God would gather God’s people again and would eliminate their despair.

“But after all of that – after creation and floods, after the division of the sea and the giving of new life to old bones, even after promising to save the people – after all of that, yet still the people of God lived in sin and in separation from God.  And, knowing no other way, God did something so unexpected, so wonderful that we could never repay God.  God sent God’s Son to live and breathe among us, to show us the way of faithful living and the way to eternal life.  And as if that were not enough, that same Son was betrayed by his friends, mocked and reviled, and killed on a cross.  That was a dark, painful time – darker and more painful than anything the people had known before.  And so the people of God did the only thing they knew to do:  they mourned, they hid in fear, and a few brave women went to tend to this precious gift they had been given, making his death as sacred as they knew how.  But something amazing happened – something no one ever anticipated.  The Son of Man, the Prince of Peace, the Messiah, Jesus was not there.  And the disciples went from east to west, sharing the sacred and imperishable proclamation of eternal salvation.”

At the end of the film The Princess Bride, the grandfather finishes the book, and tells his grandson to go off to sleep.  The once skeptical grandson hesitantly addresses his grandfather, “Grandpa?  Maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.”  His grandfather smiles and responds, “As you wish.”  Those words are significant because in the story the grandfather tells, the main characters say, “As you wish,” as their code word for, “I love you.”  Tonight, we too hear the story of our salvation, the great sweeping of our history with our Lord, and the salvific work of our Savior Jesus Christ, and we too find ourselves strangely warmed, longing to perhaps hear the story again.  And to us, the Church says, “As you wish.”  Amen.

Sermon – John 13.1-17, 31b-35, MT, YB, April 2, 2015

15 Wednesday Apr 2015

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belonging, brokenness, church, dinner, Eucharist, failings, footwashing, forgiveness, God, home, identity, Jesus, joy, Last Supper, Maundy Thursday, peace, renewal, sacred, Sermon, sinfulness, strength, table

The dinner table is where sacred things happen.  The dinner table is where food is served that can satisfy a hunger, can heal an ailing body, can delight the senses, and can invoke a nostalgia like no other.  The dinner table is where stories are told, days are recounted, prayers are said, and laughter is had.  The dinner table is where places are set, dishes are passed, plates are cleared, and remnants are cleaned.  The dinner table is the host of all things mundane – like that frozen meal you threw together before you ran off to the next thing; and the dinner table is the host of all things momentous – like that gloriously planned and executed Thanksgiving meal that you hosted for your friends and family.  Because the dinner table can do all these things, the dinner table becomes the place in our home where sacred things happen – a holy site for one’s everyday and one’s extraordinary moments.

The dinner table where Jesus and his disciples gathered for that Last Supper was no different.  They had gathered at table hundreds of times in the three years they had spent together.  There had been learning and laughter, stories and questions, arguments and celebrations.  In many ways, all of these things seem to happen in the course of this one night during the Last Supper.  Jesus and the disciples are likely chatting up a storm, talking about the days events, when Jesus does something extraordinary.  He gets up, takes off his outer robes, and washes the feet of his disciples.  This kind of event is unheard of.  Hosts and well-respected teachers do not wash others feet; that task was assigned to a household slave.[i]  And some of the midrashic commentary suggests that not even a Hebrew slave was expected to perform such a menial task.  Instead, the slave might bring out a bowl of water, but the guest would wash his own feet.[ii]  So of course, a lively debate ensues with Peter, who does not understand what is happening.  Jesus washes Peter’s feet anyway – and washes Judas’ feet – before returning to that dinner table to explain what he has done.  He goes on to explain that not only will he die soon, but also that he expects a certain behavior after he is gone – that they love one another.

That is the funny thing about dinner tables.  They can bring out the most sacred and holy of conversations.  The dinner table is where one tells his family that he has terminal cancer.  The dinner table is where one tells her best friend that she lost her job and has no idea what she is going to do.  The dinner table is where the young couple announces that that they lost their pregnancy.  The dinner table is where the college student tells his parents that he is dropping out of school.  We tell these awful, scary stories at the dinner table because we know that the table can handle them.  The table is where we gather with those who we care about and is therefore the place where we can share both the joys of life and also the really hard stuff of life.  Though our table may have never hosted a dinner as beautiful as one of the tables Norman Rockwell could paint, our table is still a sacred place that can hold all the parts of us – the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.  We can share the awfulness of life there because we know that those gathered can handle it, and can carry us until we can be back at the table laughing some day.

What I love about our celebration of this day is that all of those things – the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly – were present that night with Jesus and his disciples.  So yes, earlier in the evening, there probably is a raucous conversation.  The disciples are gathered at the table, in all their imperfection: those who love Jesus with a beautiful innocence and those who greedily hope to be at Jesus’ left and right hand; those who humbly understand Jesus and those who want Jesus to victoriously claim his Messianic power; those who profess undying faithfulness (even though they will fail to be faithful) and those who actively betray Jesus.  At that table Jesus not only talks about how to be agents of love, Jesus also shows them how to love.  On this last night – this last night before the storm of Jesus’ trial, crucifixion, and death – a sacred moment happens at the dinner table.  And though we do not hear the story tonight, we also know that Jesus then breaks the bread and offers the wine, instituting the sacrament of Holy Communion.

We know the rest of the story.  The disciples, who still do not really understand Jesus fully, muddle their way through footwashing and Holy Communion.  Then those same dense disciples sleep their way through Jesus’ last prayers.  One of those disciples becomes violent when a soldier tries to seize Jesus.  And eventually, most of the disciples betray and abandon Jesus altogether.  To this unfaithful, dimwitted, scared group, Jesus offers a sacred moment at the dinner table, inviting them into the depths of his soul and a pathway to our God:  and encourages them to love anyway.

Our own Eucharistic table is not unlike that dinner table with Jesus.  Tonight, we too will tell stories, sing, and laugh.  We too will wash feet in humility, embarrassment, and servitude.  We too will hear the sobering invitation to the Eucharistic meal, and will walk our unworthy selves to the rail to receive that sacrificial body and blood.  We too will argue with God in our prayers, pondering what God is calling us to do in our lives and resisting that call with our whole being.  We too will lean on Jesus, longing for the comfort that only Jesus can give.  And we too will hear Jesus’ desperate plea for us to also be agents of love – not just to talk about love, or profess love, but to show love as Jesus has shown love to us.

In this way, our Eucharistic table is not unlike the dinner table in your own home.  Our Eucharistic table has hosted countless stories, arguments, and bouts of laugher.  Our Eucharistic table has witnessed great sadness and great joy.  Our Eucharistic table feeds us, even when we feel or act unworthily.  And our Eucharistic table charges us to go out into the world, being the agents of love who are willing to wash the feet of others – even those who betray us and fail us.  This Lent, we have been praying Eucharistic Prayer C.  In that prayer, the priest prays, “Deliver us from the presumption of coming to this Table for solace only, and not for strength; for pardon only, and not for renewal.”[iii]   This Eucharistic table, like our own dinner table, can handle all of us – all our failings, sinfulness, and brokenness.  This table can fill us up with joy, forgiveness, and peace.  This table can be a place where we find belonging, identity, and security.  But this table is also meant to build us up – to give us strength and renewal for doing the work God has given us to do – to love others as Christ loves us.  Sacred things happen at this table.  Those sacred things happen so that we can do sacred things in the world for our God.  Amen.

[i] Guy D. Nave, Jr., “Exegetical Perspective,” Feasting on the Word, Yr. B, vol. 2 (Louisville:  Westminster John Knox Press, 2008), 279.

[ii] Mary Louise Bringle, “Homiletical Perspective, Feasting on the Word, Yr. B, vol. 2 (Louisville:  Westminster John Knox Press, 2008), 279.

[iii] BCP, 372.

Sermon – Mark 11.1-11, PS, YB, March 29, 2015

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

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bad, God, good, humanity, Jesus, love, Palm Sunday, Sermon, sinful

Today is one of those days in which the fullness of our humanity is on complete display.  We see that fullness in our two readings today.  We start with the liturgy of the Palms.  In Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem, everything is right.  The disciples finally follow instructions by Jesus to perfection.  They do not ask questions, they do not fumble – they simply listen to Jesus, do what Jesus says, and enable the procession of a lifetime.  And the people show us a glimmer of perfection too.  When Jesus comes down that Mount of Olives, the traditional location from which the people expected the final battle for Jerusalem’s liberation would begin,[i] the people respond as though they understand.  They spread cloaks before him, they wave palms, and they proclaim, “Hosanna!  Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord!  Blessed is the coming kingdom of our ancestor David!  Hosanna in the highest heaven!”  Despite text after text of the people debating who Jesus is, finally there is clarity – a moment of truth.  And that moment is perfectly good.

But then of course, we also read the passion today.  And all that is awful about humanity is fully exposed too.  Religious leaders are plotting to kill Jesus, his disciple betrays him, the disciples deny him though they swear never to do so, they sleep when he begs them not to, the people turn him over to be crucified, they humiliate him, and they mock him, even until he is dead on a cross.  No one escapes guilt.  All are to blame for what happens that day.  And even we in our liturgy shout with the people, “Crucify him.”  We do not shout those words because they are comfortable – in fact, we like to believe that we would have never shouted those words.  We like to believe that even though Peter could not be loyal, we would have been.  But the truth is that we too have denied Christ in our lives – both publicly and privately.  This moment is perfectly horrible, and full of human sinfulness.

This is the frustration with the readings from Palm Sunday.  Today would be a lot easier if we could just read the palms lesson or the passion narrative.  To do both takes us on too much of an emotional roller coaster.  The extreme high of the palms juxtaposed to the extreme low of the Passion is almost too much to bear.  We would rather focus on the relief of the palms, knowing that we sometimes get things right, or we would rather focus on our sinfulness, knowing that we often get things wrong.  But doing both in one morning feels confusing and disorienting.

But that is the brilliance of this day.  All of humanity truly is exposed – the good and the bad.  Just like in each of us there is goodness and sinfulness.  We are never fully one or the other.  Think of the person you most revere in life – that grandparent, that teacher, that community leader.  They taught you so much about how to be a good human being.  And yet, even they had flaws.  You probably saw those flaws once or twice, but you buried them or ignored them so you could keep them up on their pedestal.  Likewise, if you were to think of the person you most detest in life – that bully at school, that slimy politician, that addict in your family.  As morally depraved as they are, there have been moments – tiny glimpses of goodness or at least vulnerability, that you saw in them.  Yes, they too are not wholly evil or sinful.

In 1969, Bill was a single, gay man in San Francisco who had always wanted to be a father.  Word got out that Social Services was having a difficult time placing boys with adoptive families, and so Bill went to the offices to find out if he might be eligible.  He met Aaron on one of his first visits to the adoption agency, but Aaron’s mother had been a heroin addict, and the two-year old had serious developmental issues.  At first Bill declined, but he found himself at FAO Schwartz later, buying a teddy bear to give to Aaron.  When Aaron heard his voice again the next day, he ran to Bill and threw his arms around him.  Bill and Aaron shared a happy family life.  Aaron ended up having neurological damage, and was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.  By his teenage years, he became a drug addict.  When Aaron was 30, Bill got a call from coroner’s office.  Aaron had overdosed on heroin.  When Bill was asked whether he ever regretted the adoption, he said, “You know, I still cry over the ending.  But I would do it again.  I loved him so much.  And he loved me too.  I was lucky in so many ways.”[ii]

That is the rub today.  We both celebrate the good and honor the depravity in ourselves because we know that God loves us no matter what.  God’s love is not sentimental.  As one scholar says, God’s love is “more like the love of a parent who washes feces from a pouting three-year old.”[iii]  That kind of love knows the moments of our goodness and the moments of our awfulness, and loves us anyway.  That kind of love is able to look back at a life tormented by addiction and mental illness, and know not only that he loved, but that the addict loved too.  Perhaps that is why we read both lessons today.  We need to know that despite the ways in which we betray our Lord and Savior, we also have moments of honor and goodness.  And despite the fact that we are sometimes the beloved, obedient children of God, we are also sometimes the disobedient, hurtful children of God.  And our God loves us anyway.  Amen.

[i] Charles L. Campbell, “Homiletical Perspective,” Feasting on the Word, Yr. B, vol. 2 (Louisville:  Westminster John Knox Press, 2008), 155.

[ii] Story recorded through StoryCorp on NPR, and can be found at http://storycorps.org/?p=57072.

[iii] Michael Battle, “Pastoral Perspective,” Feasting on the Word, Yr. B, vol. 2 (Louisville:  Westminster John Knox Press, 2008), 156.

Sermon – John 12.20-33, L5, YB, March 22, 2015

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

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breath, breathe, burden, clarity, God, Jesus, Lent, purpose, Sermon, troubled

Early this past week, my daughter and I were watching an anti-bullying video.  Not only did the video talk about how to handle bullies, the video also talked about how to avoid being a bully.  The video described ways in which to handle anger so that the anger would not be deflected towards others.  My favorite suggested method was to take several deep breaths to help calm oneself.  I have tried teaching my daughter deep breathing on various occasions, so I was proud to learn that I was using an endorsed method for dealing with anger or stress.

Two days after watching our video, I was rushing off to the post office, and took what I thought would be a faster shortcut.  Midway through my shortcut I had to stop in the middle of the road for a tractor trailer that was backing into a loading dock.  The truck was taking up the whole road, but I figured he would be out of the road momentarily since he probably does this work all the time.  Much to my chagrin, I must have encountered a newbie truck driver because I swear the man must have backed up and pulled forward five or six times.  A line of cars was backing up on each side, and I found my aggravation and frustration rising quickly.  There may have even been some grunting or choice words offered in the safe confines of my car.  I had just given a huge exasperated groan when I remembered the video I had watched with my daughter less than forty-eight hours earlier.  So I started breathing deeply.  As my chest filled and my diaphragm rose, my mind began to quickly clear.  I began to see how ridiculous I was being – surely the extra three to five minutes were not the end of the world.  And if they were, I needed to seriously rethink my priorities.  And then I began to feel empathy for the driver.  I know when people are waiting for me to parallel park, I often panic and mess the parking job up a couple of times.  And then, a really funny thing started to happen – I began to pray.  I began to think about all those people who have been weighing on my heart, and I thanked God putting a literal roadblock in my way so that I could connect with the One through whom all things are possible.

In some ways, I have been thinking that suggestion about breathing is exactly what Jesus does in our Gospel lesson today.  In order to understand what is going on, let’s look a little more closely at the text.  Jesus has already raised Lazarus, Mary has anointed Jesus’ feet, Jesus has triumphantly entered into Jerusalem, and now the festival of Passover is underway.  Needless to say, there is a lot of noise around Jesus right now, as the responses to these events are intensely divided – from attraction, to anger and frustration, to reverence.[i]  In the midst of this chaos, some Greeks come up to Philip and say, “We wish to see Jesus.”  A phone tree of sorts starts – the Greeks talk to Philip, Philip talks to Andrew, and Andrew and Philip talk to Jesus.  Then Jesus answers with what seems like a non sequitur.  Instead of telling the Greeks yes, they can see him, or no, they cannot see him, Jesus launches into a speech about how his hour has come, how he must die in order bear fruit, and how those who want to follow him must be willing to lose their lives.  In the midst of this jumbled response, Jesus breaks through the chaos – the chaos of losing a friend and raising him from the dead, of having a friend extravagantly anoint him, of having the masses both shower him with palms and plot to kill him, of never having a moment of peace from people who want to see him, of trying to get the disciples to understand the price he is about to pay and the price they will also pay to follow him.  Into this chaos, Jesus stops and confesses a truth to God.  “My soul is troubled,” says Jesus.  Though he knows he cannot ask for his burden to pass, he at least asks God to intervene by glorifying God’s name.  In other words, Jesus cries out to God, “I am burdened God.  My soul is troubled.  Speak a word to your servant.”

Who among us has not gotten to this point with God?  Your boss is asking for more changes to something, your coworkers are not pulling their weight, you are still processing the argument you had with your mother or child, and the copier machine breaks down.  You stayed up late trying to finish your science project, you forgot one of your assignments at home, your best friend’s parents just told her they are getting divorced, and the teacher gives a pop-quiz on that book you did not have time to read.  Or you fought the alarm to get up in time for Church, in your rush to leave the house you forgot your wallet which means you cannot put money in the offering and you are driving without your license and credit cards, you get asked about the meeting minutes that you have not had time to type up, and before you walk in the door to Church, you get a call saying that your friend who had been fighting cancer died that morning.  In these moments we cry out to God, “I am burdened God.  My soul is troubled.  Speak a word to your servant.”

When Jesus cries out, when Jesus takes that deep breath, Jesus is given the gift of clarity.  In the hubbub of life, in the midst of people clamoring for his attention or trying to bring him down, everything falls away and Jesus hears God as clear as a bell.  In fact, that word to Jesus is so loud that even those gathered hear something like thunder in response.  In the thunder, in the clarity of calm breathing, Jesus is able to remember things of utmost importance.  Jesus is able to see with clarity that the noise does not matter – only what God has intended for Jesus matters – only who God intends for Jesus to be matters.  Jesus could have snapped at those Greeks wishing to see him.  Jesus could have taken on more burdens and agreed to let more people in to his overburdened life.  But instead, in the face of being totally overwhelmed, Jesus stops, takes a breath, and is reminded with great clarity what is really important.

In many ways, that is what Lent is all about.  Lent is a time to take a deep breath to re-center on what is most central in life – on the God who created you, who sustains you, and who beckons you out into the world.  Now many of us are quite good at centering ourselves.  I know many people who are able to identify in themselves when their anxiety or frustration has gotten too high, and who can within themselves take a deep breath and refocus on what God is calling them to do.  But many of us struggle with that practice.  We just keep pushing harder or start lashing out, assuming we can muscle our way through the anxiety.  Those of us with those struggles are like the ones in our gospel lesson who hear God’s voice like thunder.  God has to almost shout at us before we are able to really give attention to God.  That clap of thunder is like God’s clapping hands in our face saying, “Wake up!  I am talking to you!”

The good news is that either way – whether we are able to actually stop and quiet our minds and listen, or whether we are the ones who need God to more dramatically shake us up, God will speak to us.  God will remind us of whose we are.  And God will remind us of what we were created to do and be.  Now if you do not prefer being shouted at with the force of thunder, there are certainly easier ways to find that clarity.  Perhaps you work on that meditative breathing – either with a yoga class, by joining our new Contemplative Prayer Group, or just by committing to finding moments to breathe.  Perhaps you work on that meditative breathing by just showing up to church.  There are moments, especially in Lent, where you can find those quiet moments to listen to God – at the confession, during an especially moving song, or maybe as you sit in your pew before or after communion.  But just taking that hour for church can be your first step toward hearing God more clearly.  No matter where you make room for God, the promise is that when you do make room, the gift is a sense of calm that can make everything else melt away.  Those deadlines, those clamoring people in your life, that burden you have been carrying all fade into the background.  And your purpose – perhaps that part of you needs to die so that you might bear much fruit – becomes not only clear, but also refreshing, calming, and burden-lifting.  That is the promise for us today.  Whether you can take a deep breath or whether you need the jolting thunder – either way, God is breaking into our lives today and giving the gift of clarity.  Amen.

[i] Margaret A. Farley, “Theological Perspective,” Feasting on the Word, Yr. B, vol. 2 (Louisville:  Westminster John Knox Press, 2008), 140.

The last moment of goodness…

19 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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Tags

breastfeeding, children, failure, God, grace, joy, parenting, relationship, success

The last bottle of expressed milk

The last bottle of expressed milk

In the last couple of weeks we have seen quite a lot of change in our infant.  She is finally getting up on her knees to crawl instead of doing her “commando drag.”  She is pulling up to a standing position and happily standing for a while.  She is trying and enjoying new solid foods, showing much more dexterity and ability than I had imagined.  And this week, she is slowly easing off of breastmilk.  After some early problems with weight gain, the doctors had me start giving her expressed milk to encourage more consumption.  Once that began, she quickly decided she liked bottles better.  And so for the last year I have been expressing milk for her to eat.

Many people have shown shock when they realize I put up with pumping that long.  What I knew from our first child is that, in some ways, producing milk has been the one expression of parenting that has felt purely good for me.  In all my other parenting efforts, I regularly feel like a failure – not being a consistent and effective disciplinarian, not being creative and fun-loving enough, not knowing how to answer the hard questions.  But producing milk, which luckily my body does quiet easily, was the one thing that I could do that was good and pure, and to me, felt holy.

Looking back, I know my feelings are a little irrational.  My ability to produce milk for a year does not make me a better parent any more than my challenges make me a bad parent.  The truth is that producing milk for so long is probably the only thing that I will ever be able to control when it comes to parenting.  Once that contribution is over, the rest of my journey with my daughter is going to be a series of wonderful successes and terrible failures.  And that is the nature of relationships between parents and children.

In many ways, I suppose that is how our relationship with God is too.  We have very little, if any, control over the relationship, and most of the time we will feel like failures in the relationship.  It will be messy, hard, and sometimes discouraging.  But there will also be wonderful moments of grace, joy, and laughter.  The trick is agreeing to stay in the relationship, even when we do not feel like we are very good at it.  And quite frankly, God has that whole unconditional love thing down way better than most of us as parents or children do.  So hang in there, keep up the good work, and don’t take it all too seriously.  Happy Lent!

Sermon – John 3.14-21, L4, YB, March 15, 2015

19 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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beloved, darkness, Divergent, God, insider, Jesus, John 3.16, judgment, light, outsider, repent, scripture, turn

Today we get one of the most beloved passages of Scripture.  Most everyone knows the line, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”  But even for those of us who do not know the words by heart, we have seen the marker “John 3.16” all over – at sporting events, on road overpasses, on tattoos, and on Tim Tebow’s face.  Even Episcopalians, who can rarely quote scripture citations, know this one.

What is funny about the popularity of this scripture verse is that this particular verse is one of the more complicated verses in scripture.  On the surface, the verse sounds full of promise:  God so loved; God so loved the world; God gave; So that believers should not perish; Everlasting life.  All those words sound wonderful.  They make God sound loving and generous.  They make life seem full of promise.  Why would you not want to parade John 3.16 around in celebration?

John 3.16 sounds wonderful until you really start to dissect the verse.  John 3.16 makes God sound loving, generous, and caring.  Until you read that one pesky clause, “everyone who believes.”  So God will love, be generous to, and give everlasting life to anyone in the world – as long as they believe.  But what about those who do not believe?  We all know lots of people who do not believe in Jesus Christ.  They are our neighbors, friends, family members, and classmates [colleagues].  Do we really believe God does not love them too?  All we have to do is read John 3.18 to learn that “those who do not believe are condemned already, because they have not believed in the name of the only Son of God.”

Now I do not know about you, but although this scripture lesson is known worldwide, and is beloved by many, I have never really felt comfortable with the implications of this passage.  I think two things either happen when we really start to look at this passage.  One, by recognizing that we are the “believers” of this passage, we both feel a sense of pride and acceptance and a sense of pity for the non-believers.  We feel bad for the non-believers, but we do not really know how to console them.  So we secretly just feel grateful and blessed, and wipe our hands clean of the non-believers.  They will have to fend for themselves.

The other way that many of us approach this text is that we sweep the verse under the rug.  We know a lot of other verses about God, and those verses tell us of a God whose love is much bigger.  We might imagine that there is hope for all the faiths of the world, and even for those without faith.  We prefer to focus on the part that says, “God so loved the world,” knowing the vast diversity of that world, preferring to imagine that our God is not a judgmental one, but a loving one.  And even if we concede that there might need to be some form of judgment, we will leave that judgment up to God.  We will let the business of who is in and who is out be God’s business, and we will just go on loving everyone anyway.

Either of those ways of thinking – the one where we pity the non-believers or the one where we brush aside the text – ignores the fact that those approaches come from the assumption that we are the insiders in this situation.  As Christians, we know that we believe in Jesus Christ.  So we must be the ones that John is talking about – the ones that God loves and saves, and to whom God gives eternal life.  But the problem with that underlying assumption is that the assumption puts us in a place of comfort, when, in fact, I think John 3.16 is supposed to put us in a place of discomfort.

In John 3.19-20, Jesus says, “…This is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil.  For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed.”  Instead of sitting on our comfortable “believer” cushion, I think what this passage is really inviting us to do is to recognize how we are in fact the people in the darkness.  We have been talking a lot in this Lent about our sinfulness – our separation from God and neighbor.  Our Lenten disciplines are meant to be ways for us to contemplate our sinfulness, to repent, and return to the Lord.  None of us is spared from being sinful.  We have all fallen victim to pride, envy, and hatred.  We have all had malicious thoughts and done hurtful things.  We have all forgotten about God, making our lives about our own wants and desires.  And I am sure many of us have had something in our lives that we have wanted to hide in darkness.  None of us feel entirely comfortable exposed, being bathed in light.  Like that makeup mirror that is just a little too bright, not many of us are ready to be seen under the bright light.

There is a book and movie series out called “Divergent.”  It is a dystopian, futuristic series that captures what happens when the world destroys itself and the society that is rebuilt to prevent such destruction from happening again.  Though the premise is a bit complicated, one of the pieces about the series I find fascinating is the presentation of one group who believes that the truth is the answer to solving the world’s problems.  So all the members of that particular group must take what is called a “truth serum.”  When they take the serum, they must then be asked a slew of questions before all the members of the group, including extremely personal and private questions.  The idea is that if all your secrets are exposed, there is nothing left to hide behind.  Everyone is on equal footing and no one can hide their true selves.

I imagine the world in that group from the Divergent series as being like the one that Jesus is talking about today.  We are people who would avoid a truth serum – who would avoid the light – because we do not want all of ourselves exposed.  There are some things – those really dark, embarrassing, or shameful things about our lives – that we do not want the world to know.  We like the dark, if for no other reason than we can hide those ugly parts of ourselves there.  In fact, we like keeping a little bit of darkness in our lives.  And I imagine most of us would quite quickly decline a truth serum.

If we can admit that truth – that part of us that prefers there be just a little bit of darkness for us to hide in occasionally – then we might be able to see why John 3.16 is so brilliant.  If we can be humble about our own darkness and our own sinfulness, and approach God in that way, then Jesus’ words are much more meaningful.  For those of us who have a bit of darkness in us, God so loved us that God gave up God’s only Son so that we might have eternal life.  In this way, John 3.16 is refreshing.  When we realize that we are the ones in darkness, John 3.16 does not make us feel self-righteous, pitying others.[i]  Instead, John 3.16 is a harbinger of light.  In fact, John 3.16 calls us into the light with the promise of love, forgiveness, and grace.  Once we get ourselves out of the “insider’s circle” this passage becomes much more redemptive and much more full of hope.  And perhaps that is the point.  Not to make us relieved because we are on the inside looking out, but to make us relieved because we are on the outside looking in – and being beckoned in by our Lord and Savior.  If we can come to see this passage in this light, then I say go ahead and get that tattoo, embroider that wall hanging, and even make that poster for the big game.  Perhaps your artwork will remind you to keep turning from the darkness and turning into the light.  Amen.

[i] This idea shaped by the conclusions made by Paul C. Shupe, “Pastoral Perspective,” Feasting on the Word, Yr. B, vol. 2 (Louisville:  Westminster John Knox Press, 2008), 120.

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