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Seeking and Serving

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Sermon – Mark 9.38-50, P21, YB, September 27, 2015

30 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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barrier, boundaries, call, church, division, Episcopal, exclusivity, God, hospital, in, Jesus, out, prayer, priest, Roman Catholic, rules, sent, Sermon

“Are you the priest they sent?”  That was the question he asked me.  I was confused at first, but realized one of the nurses must have called an on-call priest.  I also knew from experience that if he was looking for the “priest they sent” he was not looking for me.  You see, I’m a priest, but I’m also a woman.  When people at hospitals are looking for priests, the majority of the time they mean a Roman Catholic priest.  But he seemed desperate, so I delicately said “No, I’m actually here to see a parishioner.”  But I stayed and talked to him a bit more about what was going on and whether the chaplain’s office had been called.  His wife joined us as we talked.  Then the inevitable question came.  She asked what church affiliation I had.  I told them I was a priest in the Episcopal Church, and that they were welcome to wait for a Catholic priest.  She insisted it didn’t matter – they just wanted a priest to say prayers.

Honestly, I was floored.  That had never happened to me.  Usually when I tell a Roman Catholic person that I am not a Roman Catholic priest, they reveal (subtly or not so subtly) that I am not the kind of priest they want.  And truthfully, I am totally fine with that.  I totally understand and would never assert any differently, especially to someone in crisis at the hospital.  We ended the conversation with the agreement that we would go to our separate rooms.  When I was done, if they still didn’t have their Roman Catholic priest, I would be happy to say prayers.  I went on to my visit, fully anticipating the “real” priest to show up for them while I was elsewhere.

That division among the Church, among the faithful of God, is not unique to Roman Catholics.  We all make boundaries and distinctions about who is in and who is out.  Episcopalians are only in full communion with the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America.  So if I ever wanted to have a United Methodist Minister or Presbyterian pastor celebrate Eucharist, I would not be allowed.  We also make rules around the communion rail.  Most Episcopal Churches say that all baptized Christians are welcome to the table – meaning if you have not been baptized, you should not receive.  Even to serve on Vestry we have boundaries.  All Vestry members have to be financial supporters of the parish, are expected to be present regularly in worship and parish events, and are asked to contribute to at least one ministry of the church.  If the Vestry member is unwilling to make those commitments, they cannot serve on Vestry.  We often think of Roman Catholics as having lots of boundaries – from no women at the altar, to no married clergy, to no communion unless you are Roman Catholic.  But the reality is that, as Episcopalians, we have an equal number of boundaries that keep people in and out of our community.

The good news is that we come by our exclusivity honestly.  In our gospel lesson from Mark today, we are told about an encounter between the disciples and Jesus.  John comes up to Jesus and says, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.”  John is so confident of his authority that he almost sounds like he is boasting to Jesus.  “Hey, Jesus, there’s some dude who is trying to do our work and he keeps using your name.  But don’t worry – we shut him down.”  You can almost imagine John expecting Jesus to give him a chug on the shoulder and say, “Good work, John!”  But that is not how the story unfolds.  Instead, Jesus says the total opposite, “Do not stop him; for no one who does a deed of power in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me.  Whoever is not against us is for us.”  You can imagine the disciples’ confusion.  Jesus is constantly pulling them aside and only telling them how to interpret his parables.  When Jesus commissions people, he commissions the disciples, and no one else.  And although people are often following Jesus in droves, his crew, or his posse, is made up of the disciples.  In the disciples’ minds, Jesus is implicitly telling them that they are the insiders, with special privileges, and everyone else is an outsider.  The disciples are in; everyone else is out.  And anyone who tries to break those boundaries is going against the will of Jesus – and, ergo, the will of God.

Despite the fact that Jesus shuts down the notion of insiders and outsiders, the Christian community has been struggling with boundaries since Jesus’ death.  Who is a Christian?  Who can have communion?  What are the rules and what are the consequences of breaking the rules?  Now, boundaries are not necessarily bad.  Boundaries help us define who we are and what behavior is acceptable.  Boundaries help us uphold values and create meaning.  Boundaries can even help us make an informed choice about belonging to a community.[i]  Clearly Jesus created some boundaries.  When he says, “Whoever is not against us is for us,” he implies that there are people who are in fact against them.  Jesus himself creates a group of insiders and outsiders.  What Jesus is trying to communicate is not that boundaries are bad.  What Jesus is trying to communicate is that we are capable of getting so wrapped up in our boundaries that we exclude people from the love of Christ.  And nothing could be more harmful, or even sinful, than making someone feel that they are cut off from the love of Christ.

I had a friend who started going to therapy to help him cope with a spouse suffering from depression.  He imagined that the therapist would share her knowledge of persons suffering from depression and teach him some coping skills.  But after a lengthy explanation about what was wrong with his spouse, the first question the therapist asked was about him.  The therapist wanted to know what his issues were.  My friend interrupted, “No, no, no, I’m not here for me, I’m here to learn more about dealing with my spouse.”  The therapist wisely said, “Yes.  But before we get to your spouse, let’s talk about you.”  That therapist did what Jesus does with the disciples.  Jesus redirects the disciples concern about others by telling them to worry about their own problems – those hands, feet, and eyes that cause them to sin.  You see, Jesus is very clever.  What he realizes is that when the disciples start sorting through their own sinfulness, their own “stuff,” they do not have time to worry about boundaries and rules and barriers.[ii]  And when they let go of those boundaries, rules, and barriers, something incredible can happen – the love of God and the fellowship of Christ can grow and thrive.

By the time I finished my visit with my parishioner, the Catholic on-call priest had still not arrived.  I went into the room of the family and realized they needed more than a prayer.  They were going to be removing life support and wanted someone to offer the patient Last Rites.  I again reminded them that I was an Episcopal Priest.  The wife of the couple said, “It’s still Last Rites though, right?”  “Yes,” I replied.  “Okay, then.”  That was all.  Here I was bringing up boundaries again and again, and this person, who normally has even more boundaries than I do, insisted that I let go of my boundaries and help her family have an experience with God.  The first words the husband had asked me were, “Are you the priest they sent?”  My first answer was correct.  I was not.  But my answer was not complete.  I was not the priest that “they” sent.  But I was the priest that God sent.  You see, God has a call on me – and in fact God has a call on each person here.  God sends us everyday – to our workplaces, to our schools, to our friends, and to strangers.  Everyday we have the choice to get tangled up in boundaries and rules and limitations.  But we also have the choice to remember the ways that Jesus wants us to love God and love our neighbors.  Those are the only two boundaries Jesus really cares about anyway.

That is our invitation this week:  to consider how God is calling you and also to consider how you are getting in the way of God’s call.  The boundaries and the rules really are not as complicated as they sound.  If the Pope can say, “Who am I to judge?” surely we can start letting go and embracing love.  Then, the next time someone asks you, “Are you the person that was sent?” you can reply, “Yes.  Yes, I am.”  Amen.

[i] Harry B. Adams, “Pastoral Perspective,” Feasting on the Word, Yr. B, vol. 4 (Louisville:  Westminster John Knox Press, 2009), 116, 118.

[ii] Amy Oden, “Commentary on Mark 9.38-50,” September 30, 2012, as found at http://www.workingpreacher.org/preaching.aspx?commentary_id=1357 on September 25, 2015.

On being wonderfully made…

09 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by jandrewsweckerly in Uncategorized

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awesomely, celebrate, eyes, failures, fearfully, flaws, glory, God, goodness, positive, prayer, Psalm 139, version, wonderfully

This is a big week for our family.  Both of my girls are moving up in school.  The youngest is moving from the infant room to the toddler room.  The oldest is starting first grade.  It has been a big week, and I am certainly having some feelings.  Mostly, as I look at both of them, boldly tromping into their new rooms and onto the bus, I am in awe.  I marvel at how big they have gotten.  I marvel at how beautiful they each are in their own unique ways.  I marvel at their awesome personalities and the joy that they bring to others.  I know I am biased as a parent, and I also recognize all the days when my children are not awesome, but today I am profoundly moved by how awesomely and wonderfully made they are.

Photo credit:  http://jennawaters.com/fruitful-fearful-wonderful/

Photo credit: http://jennawaters.com/fruitful-fearful-wonderful/

As I thought about each of them today, I was reminded of that verse from Psalm 139, “I praise You, for I am awesomely, wondrously made; Your work is wonderful; I know it very well.” (Ps. 139.14, Tanakh translation)  Today, I felt like I received a small glimpse into the ways that God must look at each of us.  So often, we look at our flaws and failures.  Even our prayer time can be filled with regrets and apologies to God.  We know that we fall short of the goodness God wants for us.  But that is not how God sees us.  God sees the wonderful and awesome creature that God has made and God is greatly pleased with us.  Perhaps there are days when we greive God through sin and violence to ourselves, to one another, and to God.  But God has a tremendous way of cutting through all that sinfulness and seeing goodness in us.  God sees how we are awesomely and wondrously made.

This week, I invite you to connect with God’s version of you.  I invite you in your prayer time to let go of the flaws and failures and to instead celebrate the goodness of each day.  Maybe you will have to reach really far into your reflection to find something positive.  But my guess is that you do something each day that pleases God – however big or small.  Meditate on that goodness and give glory to God!

Saintly Shout Out

05 Wednesday Aug 2015

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God, gratitude, humility, important, lost, prayer, saints, St. Anthony

Yesterday I lost something very dear to me.  Normally, I am not that passionate about material possessions.  I try to stay detached so that I don’t get fixed on the “stuff” of life.  But there are a few things that mean a great deal to me, and this was one of them.  There was a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth yesterday (literally!), and ultimately, I remembered one of my favorite saints – St. Anthony.

Photo credit:  http://www.stanthonyoakley.com/our-patron-saint.html

Photo credit: http://www.stanthonyoakley.com/our-patron-saint.html

I know a lot of you are not familiar with or even in favor of praying with saints.  It was a practice I discovered in college.  Not having grown up in a tradition that prays with saints, it seemed mildly like praying to idols.  But once someone explained to me that the saints are more like companions in our prayer life – much like a dear friend who you ask to pray for you – I was able to ease my way into praying with saints.  I still think there is a bit of superstition to some of the saints.  St. Anthony is a classic example – he’s the patron saint of lost things.  I mean, it seems a little fishy to expect a saint to magically make your stuff appear.  But when you are desperate, you will try anything.  Hence, the prayers to St. Anthony last night and this morning.

The truth is, I am not sure praying with St. Anthony really helps you find things.  What I do know is that St. Anthony reminds you to pray – which is always a good thing.  If nothing else, when we slow down enough to pray, we find a sense of peace, and are reminded that God is with us, even when we are devastated and may never find the lost things that belong to us.  That prayer time also brings perspective about what is important in life, makes us question why we had not tended to prayer life in so long, and reconnects us with a real sense of gratitude – even in the midst of loss.  And my prayer time with St. Anthony also reminded me of how he might be helpful the next time I lose more important things – “things of the spirit,” as you will see in the prayer below.

The good news is that the item reappeared today and all the angst I felt is gone.  Now, I don’t know if St. Anthony helped.  All I know is that my gratitude is deeper and more humble today, and that I am grateful for a God who sits with me in the ashes.  Whether you pray with saints, with friends, or you just pray the old fashioned way, know that God longs to be in conversation with you.  Slow down, pull up a chair, and draw nearer to your God.

O blessed St. Anthony, the grace of God has made you a powerful advocate in all our needs and the patron for the restoring of things lost or stolen.  I turn to you today with childlike love and deep confidence.  You have helped countless children of God to find the things they have lost, material things, and, more importantly, the things of the spirit: faith, hope, and love.  I come to you with confidence; help me in my present need.  I recommend what I have lost to your care, in the hope that God will restore it to me, if it is His holy Will.  Amen.[i]

[i] http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/english/p00557.htm

On prayer and listening…

01 Friday May 2015

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authenticity, Baltimore, God, humility, listen, oppression, prayer, privilege, race

As Christians, there are many things we say out of habit.  We say, “God bless you,” when someone sneezes, even if we do not actually mean to invoke a blessing on the person.  We say, “Peace be with you,” in church without necessarily thinking about what offering the peace really means for our relationship with the other person.  And we regularly say, “I’ll keep you in my prayers,” even if we do not really keep a practice of diligent prayers.

And yet, as I have thought about the chaos that has erupted in Baltimore this past week, the only thing I can say with confidence is that I am holding Baltimore in my prayers.  Everything else I have tried to say has been muddled mess.  If I talk too long about my sorrow around the violence, I find that I too easily slip into blaming – a slippery slope at best.  If I try to talk about race, I find myself getting tangled up in the ways that race is invariably tied to socio-economic status and the inability I have as a white person to speak authority on the experience of my minority brothers and sisters.  No matter what philosophical argument I try to make, I find myself entangled in a very complicated system of oppression and favor.

And so although “I am holding Baltimore in prayer,” sounds like what a person of faith says as a throw-away statement, I really mean it.  I mean it because that is all I feel like I can do with authenticity and humility.  I mean it because it feels like something I can actively do when I feel powerless in so many ways.  And I mean it because what I know in the depths of my heart is that the situation in Baltimore is making me more upset about my own privilege and power than anything.  And I can only work that out through prayer.  God and I need to talk – and I need to listen.

Photo credit:  https://listeningprayer.wordpress.com/

Photo credit: https://listeningprayer.wordpress.com/

My hope is that prayer will open up a listening heart not just for God’s word, but also a listening heart to my brothers and sisters.  When prayer is at its best, it is an exercise in listening – and if anything, I am acutely aware of how much listening we need to do right now.  The listening this week started for me with this article.  After it brought me to my knees in prayer, I stumbled on this article about what Martin Luther King, Jr. once said about riots.  These pieces and many more have reminded me once again of my obligation as a person of privilege to shut my mouth, and open my eyes and ears.  Though a posture of prayer does not excuse us from action, as Desmond Tutu once said, we cannot accomplish much without it.

God and cell phones…

03 Wednesday Dec 2014

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Advent, connection, disconnected, God, prayer, relationship, technology

To see me now, you might not guess the initial reluctance I experienced with using a cell phone.  My progress was slow from owning one at all, to learning to text, to using a smart phone, to now using my agile phone.  Part of my reluctance was what such usage would mean – being able to be reached at all times; work emails invading “down time,” making me feel like I am never truly off; decreased patience with others who are not as technologically savvy; and constant usage for everyday needs.  I still try to resist looking at my phone constantly – I put it down during dinner time, I try not to respond to emails on my day off, I sometimes wait to look up something until I am at my computer.  But I still have those moments when my daughter impatiently waits while I finish one quick text or email to someone.  Though I ask her to hold on while I finish, I worry that I am becoming what I feared.

But there are also days when I am really grateful for my phone.  I currently have a parishioner who in the last stages of life.  The family and I know that the parishioner could go at any time, and so we are keep watch, spending time together, and holding each other in prayer.  I am keeping my phone especially close, checking for texted updates or for the dreaded call.  I even keep my phone on my nightstand in case I need to run to the hospital overnight.  That may sound unpleasant to some, but what I have come to see these last few weeks is that my phone is becoming not just a tool for pastoral care (a way for parishioners to reach me for emergencies), but it is also becoming a tool for my prayer life.  When I check my phone and there are no messages about this parishioner, I use the moment as a reminder to pray – pray for the parishioner, the parishioner’s family, and talk with God about the hard stuff of life.  Who would have thought that this little phone – a thing which I had once associated with menace, annoyance, and disconnectedness – could also be a tool for deep connection, prayer, and blessing?

Courtesy of http://episcopaldigitalnetwork.com/ens/2014/11/12/anglicans-invited-to-celebrate-advent-using-your-camera-phones/

Courtesy of http://episcopaldigitalnetwork.com/ens/2014/11/12/anglicans-invited-to-celebrate-advent-using-your-camera-phones/ Check out their website for a concrete way of using technology this Advent!

What I love about this tiny revelation is that it points to a larger truth.  God is constantly working through us in the current age.  It may sound silly, but I think God can work through our technology – through my little cell phone – for good, inviting me back into relationship with God, and working through it to connect us to one another.  The trick is keeping a watchful eye for God when it could otherwise be easy to miss God.  Of course, that is not a new problem.  God has been inviting God’s people into relationship from the beginning of time – and we have regularly been resistant.  The trick for staying connected is finding those things that help us return to the LORD:  whether it is a cell phone, a strategically placed Prayer Book that reminds us to pray, a set of prayer beads that you keep in your pocket, or a regular commitment to church attendance.  I wonder what things in your life might be repurposed to help you reconnect with the holy this week.

 

 

Walking the Way…

15 Wednesday Oct 2014

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God, prayer, stewardship, walking the way

This past Sunday, St. Margaret’s kicked off its Stewardship Campaign, “Walking the Way.”  As part of the campaign, we have distributed information packets that include a pledge card.  You will be seeing guest blog posts from our parishioners here on this blog.  There will be articles written in our newsletter.  This promises to be a fun and engaging campaign.

But one of the things I am most excited about is an idea that one of our Stewardship Committee Members had.  The Walking the Way logo has both a cross and a stone path.  When we first looked at the logo, the path symbolized for us the “way” that we walk with God – our own spiritual journey with God.  But as we continued to look at the logo, the image became richer for us.  We began to imagine the stones as representative of each parishioner at St. Margaret’s, as we journey together on this walk with God.  Finally, as we played with the image of a walk and stones, we began to wonder whether actual stones might be a wonderful tool for us this year as we pray about our own stewardship this year.

And so an idea was born.  This year, in addition to our letter, narrative budgets, and pledge cards, we each received a stone.  The stone is meant to be a gift during this time for us to use during our prayer time – a tangible invitation into times of prayer in the coming weeks.  For those of you who have used prayer beads before, you know how useful tangible tools for prayers can be.  The tactile nature of something like a stone helps us focus our prayers, work through our anxieties, and ultimately cling to something that reminds us of our gracious Lord and Savior – as well as the community of faith who prays with us.

If you did not get your prayer stone on Sunday, don’t worry: there are more.  If you did get your prayer stone, I hope you will start using it, and discover what gift awaits you in your prayer time.  Each rock has a word painted on it to help encourage your prayers.  Mine happens to say, “Love.”  I look forward to meditating on how God’s love is a blessing to me, and how I hope to bless others through that same love.  Happy prayers!

The Vulnerable Village…

05 Friday Sep 2014

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children, community, God, kindergarten, prayer, scary, trust, village, vulnerable

Today is the big day.  Our oldest child’s first day of kindergarten.  As background, we are used to our child being in the care of others.  Since she was eighteen months, she has been doing four days a week of full-day care.  Though that was hard at first, we quickly saw how she thrives on the routine and the stimulation.  And we have also embraced the idea of our child being raised by a village.  In fact, our second child started a similar schedule at eleven weeks.  So we are no strangers to the hand-off experience.

Courtesy of http://www.dot.gov/fastlane/school-bus-safety-be-prepared-not-scared

Courtesy of http://www.dot.gov/fastlane/school-bus-safety-be-prepared-not-scared

But I must admit that today was quite different.  Our kindergarten program asked the parents not to deviate from how drop-off will normally occur.  So instead of passing her off at the school itself, our daughter boarded a bus that then drove away.  In fact, the whole transaction took all of a minute or so.  As the bus turned the corner, driving out of sight, I was left standing there with a pit in my stomach.  As I have thought about it since she went to school, I realized that what my daughter did today – stepping on to a bus with people she has never met, going to a school she has never attended, meeting a new teacher she has never met, and experiencing a totally new routine – takes a tremendous amount of courage.  And yet she boldly stepped onto that bus, with a big grin on her face.

Though I have often talked about the village that raises our children, and in some ways have had to embrace that model out of necessity, I rarely admit how wonderful and also scary that whole concept is.  The truth is that I have to trust many people with shaping and forming my child into an amazing person.  Though my husband and I do a lot of that formation, her formation comes from teachers, school staff, church parishioners, friends, and family.  I have seen in person how helpful that can be (like that time when we were arduously trying to teach her to use a spoon – a habit she picked up in minutes once she saw the other kids doing it at school).  But today, I was aware of how vulnerable relying on the village makes one feel.  There is really no getting around that sense of vulnerability – it is a necessary part of life.  But that vulnerability can certainly be unsettling.

This morning, as I have been sorting through that unsettled feeling, the only thing I have been able to “do” is to give that feeling back to God through prayer.  God knows how much I dislike that feeling of being out of control, and so I am sure my prayer is familiar to God.  But I have also found myself praying my daughter through her day – the other kids on the bus she met, the staff who walked her to her classroom, her teacher and new classmates, the staff who works in the cafeteria, her time learning and at play, and her time in after-care.  I pray that the village will be good to her, that she will feel God’s loving arms surrounding her, and that she too will be God’s light to others.  That is my small contribution to the village today – my prayers and my trust.  God bless our village and give us peace.

On prayer and parenting…

10 Thursday Apr 2014

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child, conversation, desperate, God, grace, Jesus, love, methods, parent, prayer, sustains

Courtesy of http://marklovefurniture.com/blog/2013/08/30/prayer-is/

Courtesy of http://marklovefurniture.com/blog/2013/08/30/prayer-is/

One of the more regular inquires I get as a priest is about how to pray.  The truth is there are so many different ways to pray – ranging from formal methods to totally unstructured methods – that our conversations usually have to include what they have tried already and some teaching about what other options are available.  I usually send the person off with a couple of new things to try and encourage them to let me know how it is going.

Since the arrival of my second child, I have been thinking a lot about prayer – or rather, I have been doing a lot of it.  I delivered my child by caesarean section, and I found myself really nervous going into the operating room.  I am not entirely sure why, but I as I sat behind that tall white sheet, with my lower body numb, waiting for the doctors to prep for surgery, I could feel my stress level rising.  That nervousness only heightened once the operation began.  And then, suddenly, before I was even conscious that I was doing it, I found myself praying the Trisagion.  The Trisagion is a prayer found in the Book of Common Prayer.  The words are, “Holy God, Holy and mighty, Holy Immortal One, Have mercy upon us.”  The prayer is traditionally sung or said three times.  I lost count of how many times I said the prayer, but it became a way for me to focus all my nervousness and give it back to God.  Later, I remember thinking about how many times I have taught about mantra prayers, and yet this might have been the first time I really “got” how mantra prayers can be a source of connection to God.

Later, about the time that my daughter was a week old, and I was stealing as much sleep as I could on the couch, I noticed that the blanket I had blindly found in the middle of the night was one that had been gifted to us.  It is a throw blanket with the Lord’s Prayer stitched on it.  As I looked at the words, I started praying the words.  I have always loved the Lord’s Prayer because I can pray it when I have nothing left.  When I am bone-tired, weary, or just feeling overwhelmed, those words have a power over me and whatever situation I find myself in.  It occurred to me, as that blanket was wrapped around my body, how I was metaphorically enveloped in prayer during this unique time.

But to be fully honest, much of my prayer life these last two weeks has included prayers of desperation.  “Please, dear God, let her fall asleep this time.”  “Sweet Jesus, help her to stop crying.”  In my mind, these are not what I have traditionally called prayers that “count.”  They are more calls of despair and bargaining, which is not really how I imagine things “work” with God.  But as I have thought about it this week, I think these are totally legitimate prayers.  Part of a healthy prayer life is an honest, vulnerable conversation with God.  My being honest about how sleep deprived and frustrated I might be at 2 a.m. is not unreasonable – and in fact, God already knows how I am feeling and what I need.  Though I would not argue that this kind of prayer is the only kind of prayer one should utilize in their relationship with God, I think these prayers open up a path to more honest conversation – and hopefully more honest listening to God.

As I think back to all those times I have “taught” others about prayer, these last couple of weeks have certainly shifted some of my thinking about prayer.  The beauty of prayer is that the variety of options is truly a gift to us, and there are certainly different times that different forms of prayer will sustain us.  Whether we pray beautiful, ancient prayers or we offer up desperate ramblings to God, our loving, gracious God is simply happy that we are there – for once remembering Who sustains us, feeds us, and gives us strength.  Thanks be to God!

All shall be well…

19 Wednesday Mar 2014

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All shall be well, blessing, life, maternity leave, prayer, present

This week marks the beginning of my maternity leave.  My life has already dramatically shifted from getting ready to be away from church for twelve weeks, to getting our family and home ready for a new baby.  It is a time of anticipation, busyness, excitement, and a bit of anxiety.  As I assured my parish, I assure myself:  “All shall be well, all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well,” as Julian of Norwich would say.

Courtesy of https://www.etsy.com/listing/78048300/inspirational-quote-all-shall-be-well?ref=market

Courtesy of https://www.etsy.com/listing/78048300/inspirational-quote-all-shall-be-well?ref=market

Many of you have asked if I will still be writing while on maternity leave.  I have pondered this myself for quite a while, and I have decided that I will be applying my Lenten discipline to this area of life as well.  This year for Lent, I decided to give myself a break – not to push too hard, but to just try to be present in the moment, knowing that this Lent and Eastertide will be a time of dramatic change for our family and that God is in the midst of it all.  And so I may decide that I need the creative outlet, and will in fact be posting on the blog.  Or I may decide that I just need to be present with my daughter in the limited time that we have before I go back to work.  Either way, I am not putting pressure on myself.  So I suppose my answer is, “I don’t know.  We will see.”

In the meantime, I hope that you will hold me and my family in your prayers.  I know that new life is a sacred gift, and I look forward to sharing that gift with you…eventually.  Many blessings on your journey in the meantime.  I’ll see you soon!

Homily – Colossians 4.2–6, John of the Cross, December 12, 2013

19 Thursday Dec 2013

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Advent, darkness, God, homily, John of the Cross, light, prayer

Today we honor Juan de la Cruz, or John of the Cross.  Though he died in 1591, John was widely unknown until more recently.  Born in 1542 in Spain, his father died when he was three.  His mother and siblings were thrown into poverty.  He received early education in an orphanage, but by 17 he had learned carpentry, tailoring, sculpting, and painting through apprenticeships.  He was able to do his university studies with the Jesuits; after school he joined the Carmelite order.  In 1567, he was ordained to the priesthood and recruited by Teresa of Avila to reform the Carmelite order.  He studied extensively, was a spiritual director, and devoted himself to the search for God.  Because of his attempts to dramatically reform the Carmelites, he was eventually imprisoned.  There he wrote poetry as a comfort.  His “Dark Night of the Soul” became his most famous piece.  As John of the Cross has been rediscovered, he has become known as “the church’s safest mystical theologian” and “the poet’s poet.”

I was thinking John must have known a lot about the dark night of the soul.  He had a rough childhood, fought to get an education, and then found incredible resistance when he tried to make the devotion of the Carmelites better; his prison cell must have felt like a dark night.  I am reading an Advent devotional right now, and it has felt pretty dark at times.  I can tell the author has experienced some rough times, though she never specifies what they are in her poetry.  But the darkness of her soul pervades her writing.  I have wondered as I read why she is putting such darkness in our Advent devotional – a season of light.  But then I thought about the realities of this season – the pain the season can bring of lost loved ones, of unfulfilled dreams, of unmet expectations, of pressure and anxiety.  Perhaps the author, like John of the Cross, is willing to expose the dark night that can live in the soul.

So where is the light for us to grasp in Advent?  I appreciate those words of instruction in Colossians: “Devote yourselves to prayer.”  Prayer is one of the places that we can dump darkness and discover light.  Prayer is the conversation in which we can struggle vulnerably and honestly with God, and eventually end up on the other side renewed and refreshed.  This is one of our Advent invitations:  devote yourselves to prayer.  Whether you already feel bathed in light or you are longing for the light, prayer is the place where we meet God and we find strength for the journey.  Amen.

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