Sabbatical Journey…On Reframing Puzzles

25 Sunday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Las Vegas Sign (Photo Credit: Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly; reuse with permission)

Tonight, we were able to squeeze in a magic show in our short trip with family in Las Vegas.  Perhaps my favorite part of the show was a puzzle trick.  Jen Kramer, the magician, showed us a puzzle, surrounded by a frame.  She removed the frame, showing us how it was solid.  Then she pulled the magnetic puzzle pieces apart, encouraging us to imagine each piece as a part of lives that define who we are:  special transformative moments, meeting a mentor or a love interest, our family or friends, and on and on.  She reassembled the pieces, and then reminded us that sometimes other pieces are added that don’t quite fit – perhaps a challenge that we cannot quite overcome.  Then she rearranged the pieces and somehow managed to get them back into a perfect square.  The idea is that the challenges and failures of life shape who we are just as much as the blessings.  But the master trick was that when she went to put the frame back on, the puzzle still fit into the frame with the new pieces – the challenge or failure we didn’t plan absorbed into the whole of ourselves.

I loved this metaphor for life in general.  How often do we see hurdles and challenges as something to be glossed over or hidden away:  the diagnosis we struggled to overcome, the job we didn’t get, the lover we lost?  Too often, we see those things as something outside ourselves, as though because we didn’t “win” them, they exist outside of ourselves.  But those challenges and failures are just as much a part of who we are as all the good parts.  Invariably, those no’s lead to shifts in who we are – sometimes helping us find a yes we did not know to pursue.  Sometimes those losses make us appreciate our gains in life.  Sometimes those hurts help us learn to heal into something stronger.

Living in Sin City for the last 36 hours, I have been thinking a lot about poor decisions, losses of all kinds, and regretted behavior.  But much like that magnetic puzzle, I do not think repentance is something that whitewashes our lives before God.  Repentance is about acknowledging how the bad in life has impacted us and those around us as much as the blessings in life.  Though we might want to hide those seeming failures from everyone else, God walks with us through the good, the bad, and the ugly – and offers to make us whole again, managing not to erase parts of us, but to redeem us and use the not so good to shape us into even better selves. 

I wonder what part of your life seems to not “fit” into your perfectly framed life?  How might the Holy Spirit be inviting you to reimagine your “frame,” so that others might not see the posed picture of you, but the full, vulnerable, real picture of you?  Your invitation today is to love all the parts of you that can squeeze into your otherwise perfect frame.  Perhaps the parts that you want to purge might actually become the parts that help others frame their imperfect lives.

Sabbatical Journey…on Finding Awesomeness

22 Thursday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

O Lord, how manifold are thy works!  In wisdom hast thou made them all:  the earth is full of thy riches.  Psalm 104.24

Grand Canyon South Rim (photo by Simone Andrews-Weckerly; reuse with permission only)

Today is the day of my sabbatical I have been most eagerly anticipating.  Today we saw the Grand Canyon.  I had heard many testimonies about the Grand Canyon:  that it is the definition of “awesome,” that pictures cannot do it justice, that it is beyond description.  Quite frankly, the hype made me a bit nervous, because I did not want the reality of my experience to be less than all those things.  And because I have been longing to see the Grand Canyon for as long as I can remember, today started with a lot of nervous energy.

Here is what I found:  all the things people say about the Grand Canyon are true.  There is a way in which when looking at the vastness of the expanses, the vibrancy of colors, the majesty of shapes, my brain almost felt fuzzy – as though my cognitive abilities could not function to describe what was in front of me.  The first experience was certainly awe – I now understand what that word “awesome” actually means.  The second experience was that fuzzy cognitive dissonance.  But the next experience was what really got me.  As I stared into the magnificence of the Grand Canyon, and marveled at the beauty of God’s creation, I slowly began to understand the enormity of God.  So often I have tried to explain God to those struggling to believe, and looking at this awesome canyon made me realize I can never capture God fully.  And that’s when the waterworks started – my tears of recognition of how vast God is and how incredibly tiny each of us is.

I think my tears were about something else today too.  What is even more overwhelming about the contrast in God’s brilliant magnificence, and my seeming insignificance, is the reality that God also desires to be in relationship with me.  I did not leave the Grand Canyon feeling small.  I left the Grand Canyon feeling humbled and adored.  And what’s more, I think everyone around me could feel that too – as we took turns taking each other’s pictures, as we caught each other gasping or muttering our adoration, as we glimpsed each other’s broad smiles.  There is a sacredness in God’s creation – but that sacredness is in us too.  Sometimes you have to walk to the edge of sacredness to understand your own beloved sacredness. 

So, in case you do not have a trip planned to the Grand Canyon too, or maybe you will never be able to go in your lifetime, I want you to know that our God is magnificently beyond our grasp, and yet ever tangibly present in you and me.  You are made in God’s image, and you are awesome too. 

Father Almighty, wonderful Lord, Wonderous Creator, be ever adored; Wonders of nature sing praises to You, Wonder of wonders – I may praise too!  (prayer found in the South Rim Village of the Grand Canyon)

Sabbatical Journey…on Creating Wider Sightlines

21 Wednesday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Photo credit: Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly (reuse with permission)

I remember when my husband first relocated to the East Coast after being raised in Southern California, he said the East Coast made him claustrophobic.  He was used to sightlines as far as the eye could see; on the East Coast, the trees on either side of highways made him feel like he couldn’t breathe.  At the time, I thought his confession was a bit silly, and I was grateful that he eventually adjusted.

Today, as we passed through New Mexico and into Arizona, his confession hit me in reverse.  As someone raised on the East Coast, with trees like a comforting blanket, I became totally overwhelmed while driving.  The sightlines were insane – likely as far as thirty miles away.  My brain felt overloaded with detail – the massive number of images overwhelming my senses and making me feel disoriented.  All I could think is “How can people process all of this every day?!?”

Once I slipped back into the passenger seat, I realized how the sightlines in my life can be a real hazard.  The walls of trees are very much a metaphor for my usual MO:  focus on the path ahead, and don’t worry about what is beyond the trees.  There is determination, focus, and hardness to how I often operate.  But I realized today, that for folks who live out West with these sightlines, they must always be stepping back to absorb all the data before proceeding.  They can see the bigger picture because the picture is, well, bigger.  All that data might feel overwhelming to the unaccustomed eye, but all that data surely must make for better decision making.

I wonder, what trees are blocking your view these days?  Where might you need to pull back some layers or step further back to see what you are missing?  Though I know Jesus loves your focus, I wonder what else Jesus would love for you to see.  And if that feels overwhelming, who are the people in your life who can help you extend your sightlines?  The work of the kingdom is always done in community and prayer.  My prayer for us is that we find some bigger sightlines together!

Sabbatical Journey…on Burdens and Blessings

20 Tuesday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My husband is a master planner, especially when it comes to travel.  So, when we embarked on this sabbatical adventure, I had no worries because I knew he had planned the trip, down to which rest areas we should use.  You might imagine that kind of exacting detail would translate to rigidity – someone who can become rattled when things do not go as planned.  But that is not the case with my husband.  In addition to being a master planner, he is also absolutely the person you want in the room when things go sideways.  He is able to quickly shift, make alterations, and carry things forward seamlessly.

Today, just day three of our twenty-one-day adventure, those skills came in very handy.  The first hiccup happened when our lunch plans got altered.  Our lunch date got called away (welcome to the life of a priest-parent!).  I was super sad about missing our visit but know all too well that things happen.  But when you travel with my super husband, all is not lost.  During lunch, my husband coordinated Plan B, and off we went to the Oklahoma City National Memorial.  I had only seen the site in pictures, but pictures cannot capture the power of seeing all those names, retelling the tragic story to our kids, noting small chairs for the children in daycare who died that day, and even worse, the one chair that indicated the death of a pregnant woman, with the unborn named child on her chair.  It was a powerful moment of sobriety and a reminder to all of us how much we need to savor one another.

Fast forward to our final destination.  We were all tired and a bit weary.  When we stopped at our hotel to check in, we figured the water gushing from a ceiling down the hall was a bad sign.  Sure enough, the hotel’s water had been shut down, with no estimated fix schedule.  Before we even got through the line to cancel our registration, my husband was already booking an alternative hotel on his phone, and then calling customer service to make sure our prior booking wouldn’t charge our card.  Our frazzled, anxious little family was on our way to a new hotel less than a block away within the half-hour.

It had been a heavy day.  We began the day with conversations about the Trail of Tears, why there are so many reservations in Oklahoma, and what we can do as consumers to support the economy of indigenous Americans.  We talked about Juneteenth, and wondered about our experiences in Little Rock and how much more work we have to do.  We recalled mass violence and the death penalty as we walked through the vivid artistry of the Oklahoma City National Memorial.  And we dealt with our own travel hiccups.  Needless to say, as walked in 100-degree weather to an impromptu dinner, we were all a bit worse for the wear.

And then I saw it.  A beautiful, unusual flower lining the road of our walk.  It seemed silly to stop and take a picture of the flowers (or at least, so my then cranky family told me), but I knew this was the Holy Spirit’s way of telling me to look around at the blessings of the day:  to remember the constant invitation to think about injustice in all its forms and how we can be agents of change; to remember that even when things do not go your way, sometimes equally wonderful things happen; to remember that even in the midst of sweaty, weary, whiny messes, God uses the gifts of all of us (problem-solving husbands, caring strangers, and even nature herself) to renew and restore us.  What blessings has the Holy Spirit been trying to show you today?

Photo credit: Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly (reuse with permission)

Sabbatical Journey…on Butterflies and Beauty

19 Monday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Photo credit: https://www.history.com/topics/black-history/central-high-school-integration

Our second day of travels landed us in Little Rock, Arkansas.  We had mostly planned to get here and head straight to the hotel, but traffic was forgiving, and gave us a little extra time.  So, we hopped over to the Little Rock Central High School National Park Site.  As a refresher, in 1957, Central High became the epicenter of confrontation and the catalyst for change in enforcing the decision of Brown v. Board to integrate schools.  Three years after the Supreme Court decision, the “Little Rock Nine,” were denied entrance to the school, and President Dwight D. Eisenhour had to federalize the Arkansas National Guard to safely enable the Little Rock Nine to successfully attend school. 

As I was looking at the photos at the National Park, I noticed a butterfly flitted past me and landed right next to a picture of those National Guardsmen protecting those students.  I was reminded of how even in the darkest times, one can find beauty.  I do not know the stories of those men who protected those students.  Maybe they did it because they were obligated to help by order of the President.  Maybe they did it because they felt a desire to right an injustice.  Maybe they had feelings that changed before, during, and after the event.  What I do know is those from Little Rock during that time were transformed in that event.  And like that butterfly, their transformation flitted on throughout the country as we made our way toward justice – as we continue to make our way toward justice.

Commemorative Garden. Note butterfly in photo. (Photo credit: Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly)

In the Commemorative Garden at the site, there is an inscription about the school.  It reads that Central High School, “…has survived, indeed not just survived but succeeded beyond anyone’s belief, becoming once again Arkansas’ premier high school.”  The inscription goes on to say, “It has achieved this not by returning to its old form merely showing its pretty face, but by modeling the diversity and pluralism that caused the original storm of protest.”

Post-pandemic, and indeed, in the modern era of Church, I think many are hoping to simply return to our old form, merely showing the Church’s pretty face.  But the massive disruption of the pandemic has convinced me that this is our opportunity not to become simply familiar again, but to become something excellent because of our evolution into the goodness God created us to be.  I wonder what new goodness God has invited you into in this post-pandemic season?  Where are butterflies beckoning your attention to see beauty not in what once was, but what is now, and in what can be?  I can’t wait to hear how you are seeing butterflies in your journey!

Sabbatical Journey…Finding God on the Road

18 Sunday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Photo credit: Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly (reuse with permission only)

One of our favorite road trip pastimes as a family is the “license plate game.”  We try to spot license plates from all fifty states while we drive.  We even have a little board that allows you to flip over a wooden replica of a plate when you see that state’s plate, helping you track which ones you are missing.  It’s a fun game for all ages that helps pass the time, and in feels mildly educational as parents.

Today we embarked on our family’s sabbatical road trip:  twenty-one states in twenty-one days.  Many of the sites have been on our bucket lists for years, and some of the sites we only learned about while planning the route.  We know this will be the trip of a lifetime, and we are thrilled to be able to do this together.  One of the themes of my sabbatical has been connection, and we suspect there will be lots of connection by the end of this journey.

As we commenced our journey today, the license plate game started immediately.  We had a bit of a slow start at the beginning, and I wondered if we were going to get stuck as we drove further away from the East Coast.  At some point, as kids and the other adult were snoozing, I saw one of the states I was particularly worried about missing, and I remember thinking, “Oh thank goodness for Delaware!!” 

My thought was rather silly and overly dramatic, but as I kept driving, I began to wonder what it might be like to not just treat the game as a calculated collection of inanimate objects, but instead to imagine the lives and worth of each human life in the cars.  How much more life-giving would it be to say to another driver, “I am so grateful for you today!  May your travels be a source of blessing!”  The image of 35 blessings instead of 35 wooden blocks on our game board made me realize how unfathomable God’s love is for all of God’s creatures.  Here I am competing in a game, when, if I use God’s eyes of grace, I might be seeing 35 blessings, 35 carloads of people made in God’s image, 35 possibilities for connection, or 35 invitations to move closer to God in prayer.

I look forward to finding new ways to see with God’s eyes of grace on the next leg of our trip.  I would love to hear how you found God’s invitation to blessing through others today!

On Being a Chameleon Traveler…

15 Thursday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Photo credit: https://www.primerrily.com/post/frontporchparenting

I have been formed in two worlds of travel.  The first world of formation was in my childhood, when travel was mostly for the purpose of visiting family.  There were two primary experiences on those trips.  The first was what we called, “visiting,” where people gathered in living rooms or on porches and just talked and caught up for hours.  Kids weren’t really entertained – just expected to participate in the conversation.  The second activity was playing cards and table games – hours and hours of games. 

The second world of formation emerged when I married into a family with a very different expression of travel.  Travel for my newfound family was about seeing things, getting out and doing things, and trying new experiences.  We certainly talked as much as my family of origin, but usually en route to somewhere.  Activities were often planned months in advance, and schedules were part and parcel of travel.  Consequently, after almost twenty-two years of marriage, I have become a chameleon:  just as happy to sit and visit and play games as I am to get out and see the world.

Photo credit: https://www.cnbc.com/select/how-to-save-on-travel/

So, when I convinced four seminary friends to join me for a sabbatical getaway over a year ago, I did not think about the fact that the five of us had never traveled together.  Only in the weeks leading up to our trip did that realization hit me.  In which world of travel were these friends formed?  Did we need an itinerary?  Did I need to pack some games?  How in the world do you pack for a trip when you don’t know what kind of travelers you are traveling with?!?

When I planned my sabbatical, I did not realize how much my plans reflected my chameleon travel nature.  This past week with friends was certainly the “visiting” kind.  I didn’t see any of the local sites (except the amazing beach!).  But I heard stories untold over the last several years of pandemic, recalled inside jokes, played new games, and laughed – a lot!  Next week, I embark on the other world of travel in which I have been formed:  seeing parts of our country I have longed to see and experiencing new adventures.  Of course, we’ll have plenty of time in the car to “visit” – whether we want to or not!  Somehow, I am unintentionally getting the best of both worlds of travel.

One of my learnings from sabbatical is that my different modes of travel are teaching me about being open to the joys of God’s creation in whatever modes of storytelling God presents.  I suspect seeing new sights and the breadth of God’s creation out west will be just as lifegiving as sitting around a game table with longtime friends.  There is a sacred fullness to this time that is filling my tank for ministry.  My prayer is that you are able to see the variety of ways God is filling your tank too these days!

On Delight and Sabbatical…

06 Tuesday Jun 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Photo credit: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-you-need-help-schedule-sabbatical-asap-kadi-cole-rn-ms/

Toward the end of my second week of sabbatical, it dawned on me what a different space sabbatical creates from vacation.  The beginning is quite similar:  a flurry of activity, trying to tie up loose ends, ensuring all systems and coverage are in place, and maybe, clearing off your desk.  But at the end of the second week of sabbatical, I noticed a distinction from vacation.  Usually at the end of vacation, even a two-week vacation, tension in my body begins to return.  The wheels in my mind start to churn, even if I know they shouldn’t.  “Work mode” creeps into vacation mode and spoils any deep relaxation I have established.  I was delighted to realize that creep is not happening as I enter week three of sabbatical.

Part of my delight in this realization is how restorative these last two weeks have been.  It’s been such a joy to slow down and reconnect with God, with my family, and with friends.  When I was on retreat at the monastery, I turned off the notifications on my phone, and I was amazed at how much tension released from my body.  In times of quiet, I have been able to stop talking so much, and be more focused on listening:  to God, to my family, to those around me.  And in the differently paced time of sabbatical, I am finding so much love:  finding “space” to remember how powerfully life-giving the loving relationships are in my life.

I am not likely to have twelve weeks of sabbatical again for at least another seven years, which has left me wondering how to hold on to moments of sabbatical time in “real life.”  How might I find harmony between my natural full-speed self and my intentional sabbatical self?  It is my hope in the coming weeks to learn that harmonic practice.  I would love to hear what tricks you have developed for that harmony in your own life!

On Companions for the Journey…

31 Wednesday May 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mary as Prophet by Margaret Parker at Virginia Theological Seminary (photo by Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly; reuse with permission)

Today is the Feast Day of the Visitation – that lovely encounter between Elizabeth and Mary, the mother of Jesus, when they are both unusually pregnant.  You may recall Elizabeth is older, and had likely assumed she would never have children.  Her child would become John the Baptist.  And of course, Mary, officially unwed and a virgin, is now newly pregnant with the son of God.  When the two cousins meet at the Visitation, John leaps in Elizabeth’s womb, and we get the profession of faith that is so familiar to us in the rosary, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb”[i]  Just a few verses later, Mary’s response to Elizabeth is the text we call the Magnificat, or the Song of Mary[ii] – a text sung at Evensongs for centuries. 

As I heard this text retold at the monastery today, I was reminded of how important companions are in our spiritual journey.  I imagine Elizabeth’s pregnancy was full of anxiety – fear that she might lose the precious child in her high-risk pregnancy.  And I imagine Mary’s pregnancy was full of a totally different kind of anxiety – so many social mores to manage, Joseph to worry about, and, well, the whole God-bearing thing.  And yet, only in this meeting of two women do we get two of the richest texts in our tradition.  Sometimes we need earthly companions to help us digest the big stuff that God throws our way.

I wonder who your earthly companions are these days.  I wonder whether you have reached out to them recently with whatever stuff God has been throwing your way.  We are a people made for community and relationship.  We are not meant to walk the journey alone – even though we are perfectly capable of doing so.  But how much more joy, surprise, reassurance, and victory do we experience when we walk together?  May this Feast Day of the Visitation be your invitation to find someone to walk with in this crazy season God has given you.

[i] Luke 1.42

[ii] Luke 1.46-55

On Searching for Slightly Sideways…

30 Tuesday May 2023

Posted by in reflection

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Mepkin Abbey 2023. Photo credit: Jennifer Andrews-Weckerly (reuse only with permission).

You might imagine as a priest that going to a monastery on retreat is like going to church on steroids.  And perhaps in some ways it is:  certainly, going to worship five times in a day for multiple days in a row is pretty churchy.  But spending time at a monastery at the root does something much more subtle and important.  Spending time at a monastery turns everything familiar slightly sideways.

When I’m here, I eat three meals a day just like anywhere else.  But here, I have no control over the menu, the food is straightforward, and you eat what is available.  No buffet of options, no taking orders, no preview of the menu.  You just show up and eat something simple, satisfying, and sufficient.

And let’s not forget that those meals are eaten in silence.  At home, I fight tooth and nail to get my family members to put down their technology (me included!), to talk for 15-20 minutes.  It’s often the only intentional time we get together as a family to find out what’s going on in our lives.  But when I’m at the monastery, despite the fact that I am sitting across from people from all walks of life –  other religious members, seekers, those needing spiritual nourishment – I cannot talk to them, ask them what they thought of the service we just attended, talk about their journey with God, or even see if they have tips about good places to be inspired on campus. 

Of course, there is worship.  As an Episcopalian, the Roman Catholic daily office and Eucharist of the Trappist monks is familiar – but not exactly the same.  I know how to follow along with chanting psalms and antiphons, I know what to expect with the Magnificat, and I know some of the words of the Eucharist.  But I stumble through various books, parts of the liturgies that the other Romans know by heart, and even which direction to face (despite the orientation materials!).  Everything is perfect – and slightly off from familiar.

And that is what this churchy person needs while on retreat.  I need things to be slightly “off” to shake up my spiritual routines.  When I am slightly uncomfortable in worship, I hear rhythms differently, I catch words more powerfully, and I am surprised by God’s presence more readily.  When I am eating unfamiliar food, the simple flavors awaken my senses more than an exotic meal – making me savor the gift of nourishment in ways I never do when I am rushing to the next thing.  When I am sitting in silence, all the words that regularly tumble out of my mouth must be put on a shelf:  instead, my ears become more attuned to both my neighbor and to God.  Prayer seeps into the meal in ways more powerful than daily grace. 

I wonder what ways you and I can create that “slightly sideways” experience at home.  In the hum of everyday life, perhaps there are ways to shake up the familiar.  Perhaps it means refusing to engage in stimulation while driving:  no music, podcasts, or quick phone calls.  Perhaps it means having a certain day of the week for a simple meal.  Or perhaps you have another way of breaking your routine – just briefly enough to turn down the noise of life and let in the noise of God.  I look forward to hearing what you try!